The four of us are about to embark on a new journey, one made up of two laptops, two phone lines, over 400 students, a few work-related "get-aways," sharing household responsibilities, double-teaming a soon-to-be-crawling Lucie, anytime trips to the grocery store, two parents meeting Ava when she gets off the bus, grading essays and math tests and...leisurely drinking coffee together in the mornings?  Nope, I'll have to do that last part alone - my husband is one of "those people" who doesn't like coffee. Boo.

Bobby and I have chosen to both work for the Agora Cyber Charter School (www.agora.org) - I have been with Agora since October, 2006 and Bobby was just offered a position less than two weeks ago.  Of course, he accepted a job at Frick middle school (and signed a contract, holding him to the 4 longest weeks of his life...) just as Agora was about to make him an offer.  At first, we both said, "No thanks," but then, a strange thing happened.  He came to me the next morning at 6:30 and said, "I don't like this, I don't want to do this."  Having had no coffee, I thought he was joking.  "Ha, ha, see ya later, honey - have a good day!"  He was serious standing before me, asking me to consider the possibility of another kind of life for our family. 

And so here we are - Bobby got his computer delivered today and he is about to begin an online training course.  As we sit with our dueling laptops on the couch even as I write this, I am excited about the possibilities that this career move holds for the four of us.  Yes, we might want to kill each other after one week.  But, like any good negotiation, we will have to give and take a little.  Maybe I will actually get one or two days a week to...work?  For a solid 8 hours?  Uninterrupted by a child?  Sounds good to me. 

I actually felt afraid when Bobby said that he wanted to leave Frick.  Wait, isn't he supposed to be the "man out of the house" while I'm here, holding down the kids, laundry, dishes and a full-time career as an English teacher?  It occured to me that I had a lot on my plate and that maybe I could use some help.  We always dreamed of the ultimate lifestyle as teachers - doing something we love and getting home by 3:30 every day.  Summers off with our kids.  Holidays off.  But getting all of that and not having to leave the house?  You're kidding.  I felt that we were given a wonderful gift when I was offered a job with Agora, but now the two of us?  It sounded too good to be true. 

I cannot lie - I LOVE working from home.  No getting dressed up every day, no commute, noone telling me to do what at what time.  Having breakfast with both of my beautiful daughters every single day, playing with Lucie in between calls to students, running errands when I please, connecting with kids who really want to be in school, learning about their lives through their writing, teaching an online class in my jeans and slippers.  It is awesome, it is a privledge.  And yes, it's also stressful sometimes.  My students need me and my children need me - sometimes at the same time!  But with the two of us working together, raising children together, managing the house together, supporting each other, leaning on each other, understanding our similar paths, I think that we are creating a new kind of family.  One that refuses the stress of leaving our children at a day care, a long and wasteful commute, feeling sad that we have only limited time in the evenings with our kids.  I do not want any of those things - I can't imagine that anyone does.  Not all couples have the choices that we do and so, as we venture into this new territory together, we can only feel so thankful that we have, once again, been given everything that we have asked for.

If you've been checking out our Summer photo gallery, you know that we're a busy family these days.  Ava finished her regular preschool year on June 6, we took our annual Cape May trip at the end of June, have spent weekends with my family, attended a bridal shower in Columbus and between all of the packing, unpacking, cleaning, feeding, playing, bathing, organizing, I've barely had time to think.  July was supposed to be my vacation month - I think I've gone to bed more tired this month than the rest of the year!   Bobby has accomplished two big projects so far this summer: building the girls' swingset and reorganizing the garage and utility room (which involved building shelves).  We still have a lot to do, but thanks to global warming, our summer will last well into September, maybe even October! (hey, last year, it was nearly 90 at Oglebayfest during the first weekend in October...).

Ava also just wrapped up her summer preschool program (July 14-25) and she had a great time.  She was assigned to the same classroom, but her teacher was "Miss Patrice" who was a regular sub during the school year.  Ava apparently liked her already, as she rattled off something about, "Miss Patrice feeds lunch to you with noodles and chicken and broccoli and milk...".  Tina (one of Ava's aides at school) said that Ava jumped "right in" on day 1 and it seemed that the 6 week break from the school routine didn't phase her.  She continues to shine in Circle Time, raising her hand to answer every question about every word, sound and letter imaginable.  One skill that Ava has developed (which I am particularly impressed with, of course...) is being able to identify what letter a word begins with.  She can do this with any word, I swear.  And, for future bragging to all of Ava's friends about what a genius she was at age 3, I present the following:
Sound Isolation - Awareness of Beginning, Middle and Ending Sounds (age 6)
Identifies beginning, middle, and ending sounds in words. For example, "What is the beginning sound in neck?" "What is the ending sound in jog? "What sound do you hear in the middle of kitten?"

Yes, that's right - Ava has mastered beginning sound isolation.  And it's not because her hearing is "5 times as good as ours" - that's actually a myth.  It's basically because she is smart, she cares about words and sounds way more than the average 3 year old and she does, in fact, use her sense of hearing more efficiently than the average toddler.  Oh yeah, and she has two teachers as parents. 

Other recent Ava accomplishments include teaching herself "The Itsy, Bitsy Spider" on the piano (she has also made up several songs to this tune) and she has had major breakthroughs in self-feeding.  I've been working on a simple reward system that involves Ava taking a series "scoops and stabs" of food and then getting to play with a special basket of musical toys (hello, Dollar General!) that is reserved only for mealtime.  Erin, her feeding therapist, is doing the same thing and boy does it work!  Ava has also started picking up, popping in and chewing pieces of banana.  This is huge, as she can now sit in her booster and feed herself an entire snack of banana, grahm crackers and milk - while I clean the kitchen or feed Lucie.  It's wonderful to see her gaining more independence. 

Meanwhile, Lucie is nearly 8 months old and growing entirely too fast for me.  Her little life has gone by so quickly; one day, she has no teeth, the next day, she has 2 popping through.  Suddenly, she's sitting up, eating cereal, knawing on biter biscuits, holding her bottle, scooting over in bed to snuggle me, babbling, and going nuts in the Jumparoo.  Lucie's life is like Ava's in fast-forward, which I kind of expected.  It's ok, I like it this way.  Lucie's progress has helped to heal my heart.  I watch her shifting toys from one chubby hand to the next, watch her reach for Ava, see her snuggle Daddy or chew on her paci and I am so happy that she's here.  She has brightened our lives.  She has turned Ava into a big sister.  If you haven't watched the new video, "Ava and Lucie playing," please do.  I am always amazed at how Ava tunes into Lucie via sound and how much Lucie wants to imitate Ava's actions.  It's awesome that Ava even cares about Lucie, as I know many other sighted older siblings who could care less about what their baby brother or sister is doing.  We strive to teach Ava to take pride in being a "sissie" and having one. 

Lucie is basically in the lunging forward stage - she wants to move toward her toys, but hasn't quite developed those leg and abdominal muscles to crawl yet.  She still has the greatest smile ever and is an affectionate and happy baby.  I still love her sleeping next to me.  Even though she is still a baby, I already miss the precious times gone by.  Is this why women keep having babies? 

This past weekend, we travelled to OH to spend the weekend with our friends, Jill, Erik and Ella Ibsen.  In case anyone doesn't know already, Ella was also born with anophthalmia and is blind.  She and Ava are sisters in spirit, I swear.  Ella is almost exactly half of Ava's age and boy does she remind us of Ava when she was "almost 2." 

This was our second time spending the weekend with the Ibsens.  This time, we had another good reason to travel to their home: Patrick Henry Hughes was performing at a local church.  If you don't know about Patrick, read about him here: http://patrickhenryhughes.com/

On Saturday, we arrived at the Ibsen home around 11:00am and were due at Patrick's hotel to meet with the Hughes family, Patrick John, Patricia, Patrick Henry and little brother, Cameron.  Meeting the Hughes' is something that's been on my wish list for a while - Patrick was the first person with anophthalmia that I read an article about in a national publication - Newsweek, I think it was.  Ava was very little and I was still pretty raw with emotion.  It helped to read about Patrick's accomplishments. 

It was pretty cool to meet Patrick and his family, especially to speak with his parents about so many different things, including the inside details of the Extreme Home Makeover process!  We also found out that Patrick loves to listen to ordinary sounds - he even has a fine collection of everyday sounds on CD.  Ava loves to listen to telephones - all kinds of rings - high, low, long, short.  We agreed that Ava might like it if we picked up a couple of sound CDs.  Ava got to show Patrick her small digital recorder - her pride and joy of sound.  Patrick even recorded her a special message.  Ava got to chat with Patricia and Lucie got some squeezes from her.  It was just a laid-back visit with what seemed like old friends. 

That night at the church (a HUGE auditorium, what I would call a "mega-church), after Patrick Henry graced us all with his piano playing and singing, his family came out on stage to answer some questions from the audience.  One thing that Patrick John said struck a chord in me.  He really disqualified the notion of he and Patricia as "heros" - though they have altered a great deal of their lives for their son's accomplishments and dreams (Patrick John attends classes with Patrick Henry at the University of Louisville and pushes his wheelchair during band practice and performances and the last we heard, he was working the night shift for UPS), Patrick John said what I love to say to people, "I'm no hero, I'm just an ordinary parent doing what my child needs me to do." 

I can't stand the idea that people think of me or Bobby as extrordinary.  If your child were born blind, you would become me.  You would go through all of the doctor's appointments and genetics appointments and all of the therapies.  You would learn Braille and how to trail walls and how to make ordinary books into cool tactile books.  You just would, because that would be your baby and you would love her as much as we love Ava.  And if you wouldn't, then you would be a crappy parent.  Lord knows there are some crappy parents out there!

When other parents say to me, "You and Bobby are this and that, I could never do what you do, I don't know what I'd do if I had a child like Ava, it takes a special kind of person to do what you're doing, Ava was given to you because you are such a special mother....etc, etc, etc," I want to scream.  Sometimes, I want to say to a mom with an child who's throwing a tantrum in a store, "Wow, your kid is such a brat.  I don't know what I'd do if I had a child like that.  You must be a really special mother."  How would that feel?!?!  I'll tell you - exactly the way that it feels when people compliment us on doing what comes natural to us - mothering and fathering our daughter.  Nothing special, nothing that requires anything more than two parents who are devoted to raising independent, happy, healthy children.  So, for anyone who has ever given these "sentiments" to the parents of a child with special needs, take it from me: it's not really that complimentary.  It makes them feel like you are separating yourselves from them and that's not what "we" want.  We want to be lumped into a group with you: a group of ordinary, loving parents who love playing with their kids and who would do just about anything for them.

It's cool to be Ava's mom.  She is a VERY cool toddler - she has great taste in music, she gets sarcasm and jokes, she loves awesome and fun toys (go, sheepers!), she loves to be outside, she loves to listen to stories on CD like "Skippyjohn Jones in the Doghouse" and LOVES when I download episodes of the WonderPets for her to listen to.  She is a big sister, a preschool girl, a walker and a talker, a singer, a piano player, she loves books with pictures that feel neat, she loves to swing, she loves to talk on the phone, she plays with toy cars and schoolbuses and crashes them into each other, she loves suckers and cookies, Eat N Park is her favorite restraunt and she will be your best friend if you give her something that feels rubbery.  It is so fun to shop for Ava's toys and clothes.  She won't take just anything.  Her toys have to sound neat, feel special and her clothes have to have something bumpy, scratchy, sparkly or soft for her to feel.  Sometimes, I buy toys and adapt them so that she will really like them, like the $1 farm animals that I got at Target last week: straight from the store, they are just molded plastic pieces that say "baa" and "moo" - but, with my adaptations, they are a sheep with real wool and a horse with a leather saddle and soft hair on his mane.  How fun is that?!  It is not a disappointment or a challenge to be Ava's mom, it is an ordinary, everyday honor. 

If you want to hear another mom's perspective on this topic, check out Jennifer Graf Groneberg's column.  She is a mom of a son, Avery, who has Down's Syndrome and she is really very honest in her perspective: she isn't bothered by the fact that Avery has Down's Syndrome - in fact, she kind of likes it: http://www.mamazine.com/Pages/column135_aid17.html

Our visit with Ella and family was overall wonderful, and we just think that Jill and Erik are so much like us!  There's Bobby, checking out their DVDs and saying to me, "They have so many of the same movies as us!" like we're just these parallel families, destined to meet in this life.  Hey, we are!  Jill and Erik, ever think about moving to Pittsburgh?    Check out pictures from our visit in the Photo Gallery.

In other news, today Ava went to Kennywood with her preschool class and Lucie and I tagged along for the ride.  Ava is a rider!  She went on the Turtle, the Kangaroo and the Merry Go Round with not one complaint!  She rode with Miss Jennifer and loved every minute of it.  There she was, on her horse with her head back to feel the wind blowing in her hair.  I caught a good glimpse of her laughing as the Kangaroo shot she and Jenn into the air.  My girl is growing up - she likes amusement park rides.  She is not afraid.  I already called Mia and told her that she has a riding partner for Kennywood this summer!  After Jennifer and all of the other kids and adults left (I was taking Ava straight home from the park), Ava, Lucie and I hung around for one more ride on the Merry Go Round, all three of us together in one seat.  It was awesome to be there with my girls, a day that I will never forget. 

Thursday: I look at the clock and it reads 3:05.  Whew - I can't wait until Ava gets home from preschool so she can entertain Lucie for a while.  Maybe then I can get some work done.

This is the true story of how I realized that Ava is indeed becoming Lucie's big sister.  I depend on her now for small responsibilities, including singing and playing her heart out while Lucie watches.  When Lucie was born, I felt overwhelmed at the thought of doing everything that I was used to doing for Ava while caring for a newborn.  Ava seemed suddenly helpless in many ways; she was my baby, and I had been treating her as such.  In the 5 months since Lucie was born, Ava has made huge strides in independence.  And...Mommy has made lots of progress in asking more of Ava and treating her like a big girl.  Here are some of Ava's big sister accomplishments:

• Walking a LOT more - in the house, outside, in public places.  It's hard to carry a 31lb toddler when you also have an infant seat to carry!  In fact, one of my favorite places to see Ava walk is at the Children's Institute.  We go there every Friday for her feeding appointment and she walks from the car, onto the elevator (and pushes the buttons!), down the hall, into her therapist's room, all while I'm pushing Lucie in the stroller. 
• Using a fork and spoon - of course, we have these really chunky, "rubbery" forks and spoons for Ava and she will say, "Ava do it?" when she sits down to eat.  I still have to give her assistance with finding the food and scooping, or "stabbing," as she calls using the fork :), but she gets it to her mouth on her own.  She knows that her milk is on the right and puts her cup down on the table (as opposed to just dropping it in mid-air, which she used to do).
• Giving things to Mommy when she is done with them.  Case in point: Ava used to ask for a cook(ie) or a crack(er) and then when she was done eating, she would just throw or drop what was left of her soggy snack.  Now, she will say, "Give the cook to Mommy?" and waits for my hand, then carefully gives me the leftovers.  Horray!  This means that I have a lot less carpet cleaning to do.  It was not fun finding smooshed shortbread cookie in various rooms of the house.
• Going on the potty -we're not completely there yet, but she will go on the potty whenever I ask.  On the other hand, she still goes in her pull-up whenever she pleases.  Not sure when she will start to tell me that she has to go, but I'll take this for now.
• Asking for and about Lucie.  Asking to share her toys with Lucie.  This is totally adorable. She really wants Lucie to feel her sheepers, apparently trying to make her a fan.
• Taking off her socks, shoes, jacket by herself.  Wanting to brush her own hair and teeth.  Wanting to brush my hair! 
• Exploring every new place and learning more about familliar places.  Ava used to push her walker only on our walkway in the front yard.  She was so tentitive to go into the grass.  Suddenly, she is everywhere, making those maps in her head.  She has even taken a few tumbles down a grassy hill and got back up and kept going.  Go, Ava!
• Developing more motor skills - Ava can bounce a ball perfectly, she throws and bounces to a person in front of her instead of over her shoulder or to the side.  She can sit on a ball and balance herself enough to bounce. In fact, last night, she was sitting on her "bumpy" orange ball and bouncing, when suddenly, the seam split and it deflated.  I thought for sure she would cry, but she laughed!  I guess we'll be stopping at Toys R Us for a new bumpy ball today. :)

I'm so proud of my girls.  Though I'm writing more about Ava today, I have spent significant time reflecting on Lucie's little life recently, as I created her photo slide show.  If you haven't already, see my tribute to Lucie in the video section. 

Wow, has this been a challenging week.  A never-ending week!  Ava came down with a fever on Monday night and by Wednesday, Dr. Ogle was confirming that she had her first ear infection since November, 2006.  Not bad for spending almost 2 months in preschool.  I thought she would be sick after week 1, but her little antibodies have been working hard.  So, here I've been all week long, with both of my girls (one sick and very crabby), trying to deal with Agora state testing, grading essays, and preparing for progress reports.  Oh, and trying to keep our house from becoming a total disaster.  Here's the verdict: I am SO glad that this coming week, I can pretty much count on Ava going back to preschool.  Whew!  By Friday, I was a total wreck.  Ava cried when Lucie cried.  Lucie cried when Ava cried.  I cried when I looked at my PJ-clad, un-showered, exhausted self in the mirror.  I could tell that by Thursday, not only was Ava miserable because her ear hurt, but that she was getting pretty tired and bored of being in the house with her once beloved Mommy.  Ditto, sweetie pie.  This week has made me realize how much Ava and I both need preschool.  She has her own little life there, her own interests and friends.  When she comes home, she is happy and excited and chatters on about her day.  When she is gone, I get a ton of work done and snuggle little Lucie and sometimes, we even leave the house.  Imagine that!  I think that I'm a one kid at a time mom.  I find it really hard to successfully entertain a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old at the same time.  Lord knows I don't dare take them out anywhere.  I've tried this before.  I load up our big tandum stroller, pack the huge diaper bag, drive to the mall, and spend my entire time meeting their very diverse (and demanding) needs.  I literally get nothing accomplished. 

So, praise Ava's antibiotic and hope it makes her happy and healthy by Tuesday, cause preschool, here we come! 

Another big announcement is that Ava has started using the potty at home.  Woo-hooo!  She is in 'practice' mode, which means that she is not to the point where she tells me that she has to go, but if I put her on the potty, chances are, she will pee.  Her favorite time to sit on the potty is after her bath.  She sits there, totally naked, singing and brushing her teeth.  She has a blast. Usually, before she agrees to go, one of her bath friends (a squirt fish or walrus or octapus) has to "pee" in the potty first.  I guess after that she figures it's her turn.  She is just so darn cute.

This weekend, Aunt Martha is here for a visit and I hope that we'll take Ava to Borders together tomorrow.  Daddy and Lucie can have some alone time at home.  My parents, sister and Mia may join the party on Sunday, when we will celebrate my dad's birthday.  If Grams is feeling up to it, she will come along.  I really look forward to family visits - the more people here to play with the girls, the better!  Ava has been asking for Nonnie and Dida all week.  She just loves them to pieces.  This week will also be special because my mom and dad are attending their first Grandparents' Day at Ava's preschool.  Cute!  Ava will be so thrilled when they show up.  She'll probably try to get my dad to wrestle with her right then and there!  Pictures to follow, I'm sure.

Having kids is so cool.  They get to develop little lives and you get to watch.  Ava is such an interesting person, even at 3 years old.  She is into all of these little things - I just love that about her.  Ava's favorite animal is a sheep.  She LOVES sheep, especially stuffed sheep that feel really wooly and say 'baa.'  I search high and low for sheep that say 'baa.'  We talk sheep all the time - we talk about them, talk like them, and make them talk to each other.  She sleeps with exactly three sheep and sometimes, when I walk past her room shortly after we have tucked her in, I will hear her making up simple, little conversations between the sheep.  This mostly consists of, "I'm a big one!  I'm a medium one!" and so on.  They often baa to each other.  The biggest one has the lowest voice and the smallest one...well, you get it.  The funny thing is that I'm obsessed with the fact that Ava loves sheep so much.  I love that she loves them - I think it's so cute!  I guess I wasn't ever sure what she would be into; at times, I didn't think that she would really be into anything that I would understand.  Now we have an inside joke that goes like this: One of us will randomly say, "Say baa," and the other will answer back, "Say baa."  It's an Ava and Mommy thing.  We say it to each other all the time, for no reason at all.  Talk about connected.

I wanted to devote this journal entry to listing some of the cool things that Ava and Lucie do, say, or are totally into. 

Ava loves:

• things that are rubbery - toy worms, spiders, 'spaghetti' and 'noodle' balls, rubbery P & Q, streatchy rubbery ropes, Play Doh (classified as 'rubbery,' according to Ava), anything in a tactile book that feels rubbery, and finally, the weirdest toy ever, which Ava calls, "teeth and tongue" - it is literally a rubbery model of the mouth with this really disgusting looking tongue that sticks out.  Aunt Katie happens to be the best at finding new and cool rubbery toys.
• things that are sticky - sticky, streatchy bunnies that Deb gave to her, sticky suckers, sticky tactile pictures in her touch & feel books, and most of all, sticky syrup on pancakes
• things that record - her play cell phone that has a recording function and, most of all, her digital recorder that holds 4 folders and thousands of minutes of audio.  We have recorded Ava singing, counting, talking, eating, you name it.  Those recordings are like her photo albums - they are her memories, and she loves to listen to them. 
• questions: Ava tells me to ask her questions in one of three categories: animal questions, person questions, or family questions.  The person and family categories sometimes overlap and sometimes we even talk about family animals. :)  She can answer questions like, "What animal's baby is called a foal?" (A horse, of course) and "What person always says, 'Hi baby doll!" (Mimi)  She also likes preschool questions: What is the letter of the week?  Many preschool questions and answers must be followed by Mommy singing the popular preschool song, "Great job, Ava." 
• Stories on CD: Ava's current favorite is one called, "Sheep in a Jeep" (surprise).  She basically will listen to any story on CD, as long as it has music and sound effects.
• Animal sounds, animal stories, animal facts: We just have to take her to a real farm this summer.
• The alphabet and phonics: Ava now knows nearly every letter's sound(s) and can often tell us what words start with what letters.  Thank you, LeapFrog and preschool! 
• imitating Mommy on the phone (I really have to watch what I say!)
• wrestling with Daddy and Dida and imitating Dida's crazy sounds and sayings while he wrestles with her.  Some current favorites that Ava likes to repeat, "Are you mockin me, boy?" and "Ladies and gentlemen, there's a fight in the stadium!"  This keeps us laughing for hours. 
• anything involving water: bathing, swimming, washing her hands, blowing bubbles in a Dixie cup of water, spilling her cup of water all over herself after brushing her teeth (3 minutes before the bus is supposed to pick her up for preschool - ugh.)
• Eat n Park smiley coookies, which are also known as dinosour cookies, bunny cookies, and Eat n Bark cooks. 
• being in the kitchen while I'm cooking.  Her favorite thing to compare is how heavy and light sweet potatoes feel.  Who knows? 
• going to the grocery store and riding in the little cars attached to the shopping cart. 
• swinging - she could do this for hours!
• Daddy's guitar music - Ava has a whole catalogue of songs that Daddy plays and she can sing most of them; she also dances like crazy! My personal favorite: the "diapee and rubbery" song.  he he :)
• Singing about anything related to "boogies" with Daddy.  Oh, gross!
• Her Goodnight Moon story box, made by Aunt Katie.  This is a must before bedtime.

Lucie loves:

• Being on her changing table; we have a caterpillar that plays classical tunes and butterflies that light up for her to look at; she just goes nuts over these two things.
• Having her clothes off - she kicks and kicks and I just know she wants to scream, "I'm freeeeee!"
• Peeing on the changing table with her diaper off. :(
• Licking the tip of Mommy's nose when I ask her for a kissie. 
• Grabbing at any toy she can reach, especially hanging rings.
• Taking her paci out with her hand.
• Sucking on her fingers and making that cute sucking sound. 
• Staring at her hands for a really long time.
• Sitting up - her back muscles are so strong!  She will be an early sitter.
• Watching and listening to Ava play.  She is starry-eyed. 
• Feeling her head and hair with open hands as she is falling asleep.  This is the most beautiful thing to watch.  She opens those little hands and rubs her head all over, while sucking on her paci.  She sooths herself to sleep this way.
• Sleeping for 10 hours straight every night.  Wooo-hooo!!
• Sucking on my shoulder and/or shirt.
• Rolling over from her belly to her back - it's hard to get that tummy time in.
• Talking to me just after she finishes her bottle.  She talks in this soft, sweet little voice and I think she's trying to say, "I love you for giving me that bottle." 
• Screaming and yelling when she is excited, especially if we make really happy faces at her. 

I have so many things to write about - I could not figure out a title that would cover all of them.  I hope this one does the trick.

First of all, Ava's 3rd birthday was...interesting.  She woke up at about 3am and had thrown up a little, which scared me a lot, but she didn't have a fever, so I layed with her for a while and thought that all was well.  Later that morning, she was up again, crying and wanting to be held.  We had plans to go to Wheeling for her birthday party, but we quickly realized that we weren't going anywhere.  She had ups and downs throughout the day and also on Sunday.  I spoke to the triage nurse twice and the pediatrician once - they all told us to try to push liquids and to call back if her pain got worse.  On Sunday, mom, Kate, Mia and Aunt Martha came up and brought Ava's party to her - thanks, girls! 
Ava had a few hours of reprieve and enjoyed her party, but went downhill the next morning, waking up and crying in pain.  We took her to see the pediatrician, who assessed her and said that "this was not Ava" and that we needed to take her to Children's ER. 

Lynn jumped in to watch sweet Lucie, followed by my sister, who drove in the snow to help us out.  My mom instinct kicked in and I quickly packed a bag for Ava with PJ's, toys, CDs and a blankie.  I knew that she would be admitted that night.  Deb (who is an angel) met us at the ER and ended up staying with us until Ava was admitted at about 3am.  Now, considering what a rare anomoly anophthalmia is, Ava has spent a relatively small amount of time in the hospital.  She has never been admitted and has only had a few procedures where her blood was drawn or that involved an IV.  Pure and simple: this night was hell.  They stuck an IV in her, took her blood, cathaterized her for a urine sample, poked, swabbed and stuck every part of her.  Then, at last, she had an ultrasound on her belly.  Standing in the dark ultrasound room at about 1:30am, I was reminded of both of my pregnancies and all of the time we spent in an room like that.  That was the only time that I cried during the whole ordeal.  Ava was sleeping soundly from exhaustion, under her purple "wooly" blanket, and I cried quietly to Deb and prayed, please don't make this baby go through any more.  She has been through enough in her little life.  The doctors were thinking that it was a condition called intussusception, in which the intestine overlaps itself, causing extreme pain.  She would have to have surgery if that were her diagnosis. 

After the ultrasound, the ER docs eventually came and told us that the results of everything were NORMAL.  No intussusception - no surgery.  Her labs showed that she was dehydrated and the ultrasound showed that she was constipated.  One probably fuled the other and caused her pain.  They decided to flood her with IV fluids and admit her.  Ava slept all through the night - we got about 3 hours of sleep.  The next morning, Ava came slowly back to us.  I was so happy that I raided the hospital gift shop for sheep and "rubberies."  Bobby walked through Oakland in a heavy snow to get us pancakes and Starbucks.  Ava and I spent the day playing Play Dough and listening to her new sheep say baaa.  The doctors and nurses were wonderful - they even brought Ava some sensory toys that she loved and they attended to our every need. 

When we were released that afternoon, I thought about all of the parents who spend days and weeks in Children's Hospital with their little ones, watching them endure pain and sickness.  We had barely been there for 24 hours and I was ready to climb the walls to get out.  I am so thankful that we escaped a longer stay, surgery, more tests, more pain for our little girl.  Ava's 3rd birthday reminded us to be grateful for her health, her intellect and our ability to comfort our daughter with our touch and voice (and a new sheep and a few rubberies!).  I swear that I see her differently now and cherish her well-being daily. 

Because of her hospital stay, Ava started preschool a few days later than anticipated.  Her first day was full of ups and downs, with Bobby and I both there with her.  After tears in the morning, Ava actually warmed up to her teacher and we left her there while we ate lunch across the street.  We came back and she had not shed one tear.  We were so proud of her!!  The next day, I took Lucie to preschool with Ava and planned to hang around for a little while.  I was not prepared for Ava to cry from the moment we got there until the moment we left, which is exactly what she did!  I was stunned.  Fridays are not as structured as the rest of the week, so I figured that it was the chaos of the day that had thrown her off. 

Ava and I returned to preschool the following Tuesday and while she did cry a little when we first arrived, Miss Jenn was able to comfort her enough to allow me to leave her there at about 12:30 - she even ate a little lunch.  I returned to find a happy Ava, swinging her legs as she sat in a little chair with the other kids.  So cute!  Wednesday was even better - I left around 11 and didn't return until dismissal at 2:30.  I can only hope that we will continue on a good path with preschool.  This week, Ava may begin to ride a little bus to school, as I must return to work.  Blah.  I wish that Bobby made a million dollars.  I have enjoyed so much just being a mom.  But, if I have to "go" back to work, turning on my computer in my PJ's isn't the worst situation ever.  Thank goodness for cyber education!!

Things that I have been thankful for over the past couple of weeks:

1. Our choice to have precious Lucie.  I am enamored with her emerging voice - she loves to lie in our bed at night and "talk" herself to sleep.  She looks at me like I am the most incredible thing she's ever seen.  It helps.

2. Ava's mastery of 2 toys: her LeapFrog farm (she matches fronts and backs of animals by touch) and her LeapFrog Phonics letter magnets - (thanks, Auntie Lidge!!  She is ready for this toy now!).  Ava can identify about 80% of the letters by touch (I have to put Braille stickers on them soon) and knows almost 100% of their sounds.  She will even tell you, "Dog starts with D" - incredible.  I never get tired of watching her play with these toys. 

3. The church breakfast that Deb took me to on Saturday.  It was for girls only and had a heart theme.  I met some new women and listened to a wonderful woman, Steph, talk about women needing to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I felt like it was an awakening for me.  I need more things like this in my life, as I slowly let go of the leftover hurt surrounding Ava's blindness.  I will commit slowly, as I am also occasionally a cynic (ha!) and have totally liberal social views.  I forgive those who don't.  

4. My friend Lesley and her new boyfriend, Mark.  They come to our house, bring pizza, wine and gifts and play with our baby girls.  They make us laugh at each other and ourselves! 

5. The MAPS moms, particularly Jill and her family - wish that we could see them more.  Looking at them is like looking at us.  Happy Anniversary, Jill and Erik!

6. Our fireplace and Netflix.  My coffee in the mornings.

7. My mom, dad, sister and Mia, for taking Ava and Lucie this weekend so that Bobby and I could have a much-needed 24 hours to ourselves.  Last night, we saw Juno, went to the Cheesecake Factory for a yummy dinner, and stayed up until 2am watching Saturday Night Live and drinking wine.  It's nice to be "just us" again occasionally.  I miss the girls, but it's lovely to sit here and write without interruption. 

8. The safety and comfort of our home and our little family.  The wonder of having children and the mystery of marriage.  Grandpa Bob was right!