If Ava wants you around, she will acknowledge you by saying, "Aunt Katie on."  "Mia on." "Guitar music on."  But, if she isn't too fond of what you are saying or just plain old you, she will often greet you with, "Bye-bye Julie!  Julie off."  I love this object/human confusion - she really does think that she can control the world.  (Wait, can she?)  I am happy to say that I have never been told, "Mommy off," but I'm sure this will change when she's about...13 years old. 

  Mia spent last week with us, taking her place as Ava's big sister for a while.  This has become an annual tradition and I always miss her when she's gone.  It's fun having an older child to talk to when you're doing daily things with Ava.  The last day that she was here, she got really into playing with Ava, giving her a bath - it was so cute!  On Wednesday, Bobby and I took the girls to Sandcastle water park and we had such a fun time.  Ava loves the water and she was pretty brave that day, touching some of the little waterfalls in the kiddie pool and wading through waist-deep water.  While we're in the water, she asks me to sing all of the "Under the Sea" songs on her CD and sometimes, she sang along!  She has the cutest singing voice.

  We had another ultrasound yesterday and the results were positive.  The baby's eyes are measuring perfectly, as is everything else about her.  I am starting to notice her in utero schedule - she loves to kick me around 11:00 at night.  A preview of nights to come, I'm sure!

  I have no names that I love completely - I don't like to name my babies before the 8th month or so.  I have to get to know her a little first and that can only come as she grows and moves more and more.   I think that naming a baby should be as selfless as possible - who do you want to pay tribute to, who does the baby remind you of, what name fits her personality?  It's all about legacy - one that exists now or one that your child will create.  Ava chose her name when I was 34 weeks pregnant - she told it to me in a dream.  Just in time!   
I'm so looking forward to knowing this brand new person and seeing her with her big sister, who is the sweetest girl I know.

  Three days ago, I felt a little flip.  Then, a kick and a few swipes.  I think that it is so amazing that one day, you feel nothing and the next day, your baby has suddenly become strong enough to let you know that she is there.  I felt Ava at exactly 19 weeks, too; she let me know that she was strong, healthy, growing.  This little girl is doing the same.  It is phenominal, it is a gift to feel that movement.  Those who never feel it (sorry, all men!) are missing one of life's great pleasures - the feeling of life.  It is my secret and even my own husband cannot possibly know this child the way that I do now.  This reaffirms my notion that women are more powerful than men; we have this precious secret to keep. 

  I can't wait to meet this new baby.  I have done everything right and that gives me peace.  No matter what the outcome, I have done my absolute best.

Last night we did something very important for us and for Ava - we met a new family with two blind children.  Our TVI, Lynn, works with their youngest, a little girl named Miriam, and wanted us to get together, so she hosted a cookout.  Also in attendance were our friends Colleen, Tim and their son, Nicholas (Ava's buddy); 2 graduate students from Pitt's TVI program, and Leanne, our 12-year-old friend and her father, Frank. 

When Ava was born, I felt so alone.  Her condition is so rare and you begin to feel like you have no one who understands what you are going through.  I have come to find out that there are lots of families like ours out there; we just needed a way to make connections.  Recently, 8 other moms of children with anophthalmia/microphthalmia and myself have started a new support group called MAPS (Microphthalmia Anophthalmia Parent Support).  We have a website (www.maparentsupport.com) and we have been cooresponding with other families who find us on the Internet.  Our mission is simply to ensure that others are not alone and that they get the best advice out there, straight from other moms who have been in their shoes.  The family that we met last night is finding new information and making new connections because of MAPS.

So, as we all gathered together on a beautiful summer evening to watch and listen to our children (4/7 in attendance were blind!) run, swing, and chatter away, I felt invigorated and peaceful at the same time.  The fears that I had when Ava was born are just whispers now; I am her mother and I will build a world, a community...just for her. 

Yesterday, a woman said to me, "Yeah, my first-born was an advanced talker at that age, too..." and I had to pause for a second.  Wait - she is talking about Ava!  Ava is an advanced talker!  Since her language virtually exploded a few months ago, we have gotten used to having our own little chatterbox around, but there was a time when I was very scared that Ava would not talk.  We could barely get her to say, "on" or "off" when playing with a toy.  For a while, everything was "guck" and then one day, she just started repeating words.  Truthfully, I can't even really remember the way in which it happened.  It just happened.  Now, Ava uses language to ask for things, make choices, express emotion and preference and to engage others socially.  Some of my favorites:

1. She will say, "Strawberry milk or chocolate milk...which one do you like?"  and of course, the words don't sound exactly right, but it is so darn cute!

2. She repeats what others say to her.  Mommy says, "Hey sugar, it's Mommy!" and Daddy says, "Hey munchkin, it's Daddy!"

3. She does the best horse and sheep sounds I have ever heard, hands down.

4. She will say people's names after hearing them once.  Yesterday, we were at the park for an Agora event, and another teacher introduced herself as Michelle, and Ava said, "Hi Michelle," like it was nothing.  The look on Michelle's face was astounding! 

5. When Ava bumps into something with her walker, she will say, "Turn around!  Use your muscles!" 

To myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me.

  I told Bobby that being in Cape May with he and Ava had fullfilled one of my life's dreams...and he laughed a little.  It's true for me - this is the place that I have loved my whole life, the place that has nurtured my soul.  I breathe better when I am near the ocean and I wish that our time there would never end. Being there with my husband and first-born child was so special for me.

  We started out the week with the threat of thunderstorms every day and were blessed when it didn't rain once. Each day was more glorious than the one before.  We swam in the ocean and in the pool, ate delicious seafood on decks overlooking the water, and Ava had ice cream every night on the boardwalk while the ocean crashed in the distance.  Who could dream of a better place? 

  Ava kept saying, "Nonnie's house" as we tried to explain that we were in a hotel in Cape May, but that Nonnie and Dida were staying there with us.  Ava entertained us each night from her portable crib, reciting the alphabet, counting to 20, trying to engage everyone by saying their names.  We were all asleep before she was! 

  While I was braving the waves in the ocean on Thursday with Mia, my mom and Aunt Katie took on the task of getting Ava used to the ocean.  She was a little scared at first, unsure of why the water was coming and going and why her feet were sinking into the wet sand.  I watched them carefully teach her on the shore, and pretty soon, Katie was lifting her up in the small waves and Ava was laughing.  When I got back to the towel, Ava informed me that, "Water goes in, water goes out," and I knew then that she understood! 

  I am always sad to see our vacation at the beach end.  Even at 30, I cry a little when we leave.  I miss the sound of the ocean when I am back here in my house, preparing for everyday life.  But, we have a very special delivery coming in December and we have already decided to return to Cape May next June, so there's a lot to look forward to.  I will have a 3 year old and a 6 month old by then!  I can't believe that so many things will happen in one short year. 

Today was a visit to Mr. Tillman's office, which is always an emotionally draining day.  We have to leave her prosthetics there for the day so that he can clean them and build them up.  I usually spend the day at home with Ava while we wait, and it is strange indeed to see her without her pretty blue eyes.  After they are in place again, Bobby and I always feel like celebrating a bit.  She is reborn again.  Today, the celebration consisted of ice cream on the way home - Ava's favorite!

She has been sick for about 5 days now with a cough, stuffy nose, and had a fever for the first 3 days.  Despite this, we managed to go swimming on Saturday with Katie and Mia and it was glorious!  My little water baby.  She wanted to kick her legs, splash, and loves to "jump" in and out of the water.  We sang in the water and talked about everything under the sun.  Later, on the bench, she was so cute in her cover-up and sun hat - she looked like a little flower.

Ava also amazed all of us by counting to 10 on her own, to which my dad pointed out, "Didn't she just start talking a month ago?"  Her vocabulary grows literally every day - the flood gates of language have opened.  Her level of understanding surprises me every day.  She is learning to use language to make choices, to ask for what she wants, and certainly to entertain.  She loves to say, "I like ice cream," but this weekend, she put a twist on it and said, "Ou louk ouc crom."  Could it be that our 2-year-old actually understands switching vowel sounds?  I can't believe her mind, her capacity to learn - what 2-year-old understands that concept?!

We spent 2 days with Grams this weekend - she is doing surprisingly well in the hot weather.  She was very energetic on Saturday, staying at my mom's until nearly 11:00.  She admits that she is "better" when she is out of the house and around people - who isn't?  We will try to give her more opportunities to get out and about, and we will roll with whatever comes.  Remember: those little miracles are what count now.

Looking forward to our 3rd annual School for Blind Children Toddler Program conference this weekend.  Mia and Katie are coming up for it - they are so proud and supportive of Ava.  Bobby and I look forward to the conference; it's an opportunity to show off Ava's latest accomplishments.  It will be a great weekend.