I have so many things to write about - I could not figure out a title that would cover all of them.  I hope this one does the trick.

First of all, Ava's 3rd birthday was...interesting.  She woke up at about 3am and had thrown up a little, which scared me a lot, but she didn't have a fever, so I layed with her for a while and thought that all was well.  Later that morning, she was up again, crying and wanting to be held.  We had plans to go to Wheeling for her birthday party, but we quickly realized that we weren't going anywhere.  She had ups and downs throughout the day and also on Sunday.  I spoke to the triage nurse twice and the pediatrician once - they all told us to try to push liquids and to call back if her pain got worse.  On Sunday, mom, Kate, Mia and Aunt Martha came up and brought Ava's party to her - thanks, girls! 
Ava had a few hours of reprieve and enjoyed her party, but went downhill the next morning, waking up and crying in pain.  We took her to see the pediatrician, who assessed her and said that "this was not Ava" and that we needed to take her to Children's ER. 

Lynn jumped in to watch sweet Lucie, followed by my sister, who drove in the snow to help us out.  My mom instinct kicked in and I quickly packed a bag for Ava with PJ's, toys, CDs and a blankie.  I knew that she would be admitted that night.  Deb (who is an angel) met us at the ER and ended up staying with us until Ava was admitted at about 3am.  Now, considering what a rare anomoly anophthalmia is, Ava has spent a relatively small amount of time in the hospital.  She has never been admitted and has only had a few procedures where her blood was drawn or that involved an IV.  Pure and simple: this night was hell.  They stuck an IV in her, took her blood, cathaterized her for a urine sample, poked, swabbed and stuck every part of her.  Then, at last, she had an ultrasound on her belly.  Standing in the dark ultrasound room at about 1:30am, I was reminded of both of my pregnancies and all of the time we spent in an room like that.  That was the only time that I cried during the whole ordeal.  Ava was sleeping soundly from exhaustion, under her purple "wooly" blanket, and I cried quietly to Deb and prayed, please don't make this baby go through any more.  She has been through enough in her little life.  The doctors were thinking that it was a condition called intussusception, in which the intestine overlaps itself, causing extreme pain.  She would have to have surgery if that were her diagnosis. 

After the ultrasound, the ER docs eventually came and told us that the results of everything were NORMAL.  No intussusception - no surgery.  Her labs showed that she was dehydrated and the ultrasound showed that she was constipated.  One probably fuled the other and caused her pain.  They decided to flood her with IV fluids and admit her.  Ava slept all through the night - we got about 3 hours of sleep.  The next morning, Ava came slowly back to us.  I was so happy that I raided the hospital gift shop for sheep and "rubberies."  Bobby walked through Oakland in a heavy snow to get us pancakes and Starbucks.  Ava and I spent the day playing Play Dough and listening to her new sheep say baaa.  The doctors and nurses were wonderful - they even brought Ava some sensory toys that she loved and they attended to our every need. 

When we were released that afternoon, I thought about all of the parents who spend days and weeks in Children's Hospital with their little ones, watching them endure pain and sickness.  We had barely been there for 24 hours and I was ready to climb the walls to get out.  I am so thankful that we escaped a longer stay, surgery, more tests, more pain for our little girl.  Ava's 3rd birthday reminded us to be grateful for her health, her intellect and our ability to comfort our daughter with our touch and voice (and a new sheep and a few rubberies!).  I swear that I see her differently now and cherish her well-being daily. 

Because of her hospital stay, Ava started preschool a few days later than anticipated.  Her first day was full of ups and downs, with Bobby and I both there with her.  After tears in the morning, Ava actually warmed up to her teacher and we left her there while we ate lunch across the street.  We came back and she had not shed one tear.  We were so proud of her!!  The next day, I took Lucie to preschool with Ava and planned to hang around for a little while.  I was not prepared for Ava to cry from the moment we got there until the moment we left, which is exactly what she did!  I was stunned.  Fridays are not as structured as the rest of the week, so I figured that it was the chaos of the day that had thrown her off. 

Ava and I returned to preschool the following Tuesday and while she did cry a little when we first arrived, Miss Jenn was able to comfort her enough to allow me to leave her there at about 12:30 - she even ate a little lunch.  I returned to find a happy Ava, swinging her legs as she sat in a little chair with the other kids.  So cute!  Wednesday was even better - I left around 11 and didn't return until dismissal at 2:30.  I can only hope that we will continue on a good path with preschool.  This week, Ava may begin to ride a little bus to school, as I must return to work.  Blah.  I wish that Bobby made a million dollars.  I have enjoyed so much just being a mom.  But, if I have to "go" back to work, turning on my computer in my PJ's isn't the worst situation ever.  Thank goodness for cyber education!!

Things that I have been thankful for over the past couple of weeks:

1. Our choice to have precious Lucie.  I am enamored with her emerging voice - she loves to lie in our bed at night and "talk" herself to sleep.  She looks at me like I am the most incredible thing she's ever seen.  It helps.

2. Ava's mastery of 2 toys: her LeapFrog farm (she matches fronts and backs of animals by touch) and her LeapFrog Phonics letter magnets - (thanks, Auntie Lidge!!  She is ready for this toy now!).  Ava can identify about 80% of the letters by touch (I have to put Braille stickers on them soon) and knows almost 100% of their sounds.  She will even tell you, "Dog starts with D" - incredible.  I never get tired of watching her play with these toys. 

3. The church breakfast that Deb took me to on Saturday.  It was for girls only and had a heart theme.  I met some new women and listened to a wonderful woman, Steph, talk about women needing to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I felt like it was an awakening for me.  I need more things like this in my life, as I slowly let go of the leftover hurt surrounding Ava's blindness.  I will commit slowly, as I am also occasionally a cynic (ha!) and have totally liberal social views.  I forgive those who don't.  

4. My friend Lesley and her new boyfriend, Mark.  They come to our house, bring pizza, wine and gifts and play with our baby girls.  They make us laugh at each other and ourselves! 

5. The MAPS moms, particularly Jill and her family - wish that we could see them more.  Looking at them is like looking at us.  Happy Anniversary, Jill and Erik!

6. Our fireplace and Netflix.  My coffee in the mornings.

7. My mom, dad, sister and Mia, for taking Ava and Lucie this weekend so that Bobby and I could have a much-needed 24 hours to ourselves.  Last night, we saw Juno, went to the Cheesecake Factory for a yummy dinner, and stayed up until 2am watching Saturday Night Live and drinking wine.  It's nice to be "just us" again occasionally.  I miss the girls, but it's lovely to sit here and write without interruption. 

8. The safety and comfort of our home and our little family.  The wonder of having children and the mystery of marriage.  Grandpa Bob was right!