ABC's hit TV show, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was filming in Toledo last week, working on a house for a deserving family of 14 that live about 20 minutes away from us.  As much as I love that show, I never took the time to drive by the site, or be shuttled there as a spectator.  I kept up with the progress through local news broadcasts and websites set up by the local company who headed up the build.  Fortunately for us, some of our friends live right next door and took some great pictures from their own backyard that they shared with us.  (see them in the New Pictures gallery) I've watched the show so many times on television and it is always hard for me to fathom how they could really demolish a home, rebuild one from scratch and completely furnish it in 7 days time.  But...I watched it happen right before my eyes here in our own community.  Talk about extreme! 

Another cool bonus for us was that my dad's printing company was able to create some awesome decals for the new house, and my dad got to go to the site on Saturday and install the graphics himself.  I really wanted to go as his "assistant", but I understand why he decided to take one of his fellow employees instead!  He was able to meet Ty Pennington and the team of designers as he worked on one of the bedrooms that would house 3 out of the 12 kids in this wonderful family.  My dad even got his own private tour of the completed home after the family had returned and the Design Producers were so impressed with his work that they want to use his company again in future shows.  I can just see my dad with his own spot on the show someday as...Skip, "the graphics guy!"  Don't turn Hollywood on us yet, dad!!  We are very proud of you and thankful for the generosity of your company to donate time and effort towards this great cause   Great Job!!  The show is set to air sometime in November.

All of the Extreme Makeover buzz around this town last week really got me thinking.  Ella's life lately could be titled Extreme Changes:  Transitioning from loving things you used to hate doing, being carried all the time to walking, using two word sentences to an explosion of language and excelling in social situations.  The most obvious change in our lives is that we are preparing for the impending birth of our second child which in and of itself will be a pretty darn extreme change!  We are all really looking forward to welcoming a little boy into our family and giving Ella the special gift of a sibling to love, care for...smack upside the head and boss around daily.  Boy, is she ever excited!! 

We talk about the baby constantly and I believe this has helped her understand what is happening and will make the transition easier for her.  She will touch my belly when he kicks hard (did I mention he appears to have a black belt already?) and "ooh" and "aah" and rub her hand over it and sing him songs.  She also loves to say things like, "Yep, he's in there!" or "Goodnight...see ya when you're born!"  She will go through the list of things she thinks he will want to do with us when he gets here - it is so cute.  She says, "maybe he will want to lay in bed with us"  or "maybe he will want to go to the park with us."  Some other ones are, "he will sit in the rocking chair and read books with us" or "maybe he will play with toys with us."  She will tell me that the thing she wants to do most when he gets "born" is touch his baby piggies.  (She loves toes!!)  I can't wait to see how they will interact once he is here, and if she is being honest, or if she is just "all talk!"  Speaking of talk - I've compiled a list of things Ella has said over the past two months.  Now, those of you who know me, know I have a tendancy to exeggerate at times (me? no!!) but I tell you the honest truth...these things have truly poured from my daughter's mouth and some of them have left me trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.  PS:  I also had Erik check the list and he gave me a thumbs up on the legitemacy of all of these!!  Keep in mind - Ella just turned two in June.  She is smarter and retains more in that little brain of hers then I ever imagined possible.  I hate to brag...well, who are we kidding?  I love to brag!   And this site is perfect for just that sort of thing.  ENJOY!!

• Ella loves to have books read to her.  Tactile books and regular, no texture at all story books.  She will request book titles by name and she can finish almost all the sentences in her favorites that we read over and over.  We have recently checked out two books about Pumpkins and Halloween at our library and she will say outloud as she turns the pages..."don't rip these pages, this book belongs to the library!"  Needless to say, she has become smitten with the idea of pumpkins and we are headed this weekend to our local Apple Orchard to pick out one for us to carve.  She can't wait!  And I can't wait to take down a carton of apple fritters myself.  (Whoo-Hoo!  Being pregnant rules!)
• She has been linking things together lately and she will pick up an object and relate it to something else similar.  Ex:  She stood up on her changing table the other day and knocked on a big picture frame that I have hanging on the wall.  "this is kind of like a window," she said.  She was playing with the hardware on the front of this antique dry sink that I have in our dining room and said, "these are kind of like doorknobs" because they were circular and she could twist them around.
• I told her the other day while we were out that I needed to get some coffee.  (I got decaf - Ugh!)  Anyway, we pull up to the drivethru window at McDonalds and she is in the back in her carseat listening to music on the radio.  The woman asks, "may I help you?"  and Ella says, without missing a beat, "Small coffee, one cream, one splenda."  Turns out, that is exactly what I wanted and I didn't even have to open my mouth!
• Ella has been relating the idea of time to baseball innings.  I have no idea how she is doing this, but she is always dead on.  Erik was watching a Phillies game the other night when she asked him to "turn off the TV please."  (she does that now)  He said, "Oh, it is almost over" to which she replied, "How many innings are left?"  She knew that he was watching a baseball game.  Amazing.  We were on our way to my parents the other night and I told her that we were almost there, about 10 minutes to go.  "Two more innnings!" she yells.  And when we were almost to my friend Angie's house the other day, I said, "we are 2 minutes away honey" and she yells, "We are in the last inning!"  I just sit back and laugh sometimes!!  I would love to know how her mind works.
• I took her to my OB appointment last week and explained to her, as she sat in her stroller with a sucker, that I would be talking with my Dr. and would appreciate if she just sat there quietly and enjoyed her sucker.  She asked me, totally seriously, "Is your Dr. going to say No more monkeys jumping on the bed?  Cuz that is what the Dr. in my song says."  I nearly wet my pants.
• When the Democratic National Convention was on TV, I was watching Bill Clinton speak one night and Ella was sitting on the floor playing with her toys.  I never talked to her about what I was watching and she never said a word about the TV being on.  Later, as I was rocking her to sleep, she took out her paci and exclaimed, "I'm such a Democrat!"  I said, "oh really?  well who do you want to be the next president?"  She thinks for a minute and replies, "Well...Barack Obama, mama!"  How could I argue?  She has her mind made up.  (I secretly think it is just because his name is so darn fun to say!!)
• She can spell her first and last name, tell you her complete address as well as her phone number.  (minus the area code...we are still working on that!)
• We have a little neighborhood ice cream place that we love and recently they featured pumpkin ice cream which Ella and I just adored.  Before they closed for the season the other night, we got some and she proclaimed, "this is the best pumpkin ice cream I have ever seen!"  It was so cute. 
• She will sit in the family room and play with her toys that we have in baskets on the floor.  She reached in a basket and found a pair of shakers that she got as a gift on her first birthday and said, "Ooh, these are my old school shakers!"  Erik and I just looked at each other...neither of us had ever called them that before. 
• She will go into a total "mocking mommy" routine that is pretty hilarious.  She will be on the couch or sitting on the floor and then out of nowhere, she will start with, "Oh, my aching back!"  or "This baby is kicking me right in the ribs!"  My personal favorite has been, "Jeez, I need to get my feet up...NOW!"  Do I really complain and moan these things??  I must not even realize it at times...oops!   Leave it to your two year old to keep you honest.
• Ella loves to name her cousins and the friends that she loves.  She will all of the sudden get this huge smile on her face and name someone that she is thinking of right at that second.  Lately it has been our good friends from Pittsburgh that we miss dearly.  She will sit and smile and say, "Hey Ava...Hey Luce...I am thinking about you my good friends!"  It is very sweet and sincere.
• We were in my bedroom the other day and I was just watching her walk from my dresser to my bedside table, without holding on to anything.  She got to my table and reached up to feel what was on it.  She touched my library book and said, "Mommy's library book - don't rip the pages!"  Then she grabbed my chapstick and said "My lips are chapped.  I love lip gloss!"  She got my bottle of contact solution next and said, "I've got to put my contacts on now!"
• I will leave you with something she just said today that still blows my mind.  We were in the kitchen and I opened the medicine cabinet and the bottle of Tylenol came flying out at me.  "Ooh, you've got medicine, " she said, because she knows what a bottle of pills sounds like.  She then proceeded to tell me, "I'm allergic to amoxicillin."  I almost did not believe my ears...but then I realized that she was just remembering that the Dr. had told us months ago that she is indeed allergic to amoxicillin.  Ok then.  How am I supposed to respond to that??!!  I said, "Yes...yes, you are honey" and she went back to smiling and eating her fruit snacks like any old two year old. 

"Dear Jesus...I thank you for my mommy & daddy, my nana & g.pa, grandma & papa, aunt B & uncle brad, rylan and baby bridger, uncle jefe, uncle ryan & aunt helen...mark & julie's pool...and cake...just a little bit of cake.  Jesus loves me.  Amen!" 

These were the exact words that came out of Ella's mouth the other night when we sat down in her rocking chair for quiet time before bed, and she promptly announced, "I'll pray!"  How can you argue with that?  We had been at my Uncle Mark & Aunt Julie's house that day for a graduation party (Ella adores their big below ground pool) and we had also eaten the most delicious bakery cake you have ever tasted.  Those things must have stuck in her little mind and she wanted to make sure God knew just how thankful she was!  I laughed so hard and got her so darn excited that it took me an extra 20 minutes to get her down to sleep...but it was worth every minute!!

Ella has thrived over the past month and a half (since she turned two) in so many different ways - it is difficult to remember them all.  She is walking more, talking like a grown up, starting to eat with a fork and spoon (soon!), drinking out of a big girl sippy cup, requesting what she wants to eat for breakfast, lunch & dinner, and remembering things that happened months ago that mommy has long since forgotten. Her cognitive listening skills are so amazing - you really have to watch what you say and promise her because she WILL NOT let you forget what you have said!!  It is wonderful to be able to communicate with her and have her tell us what she wants to do, or not do as the case may be many times.  Here is just a little example of something that happened the other day.

I was sitting here at the computer, typing an e-mail and Ella was playing one of her most favorite games that she made up herself called "carpet/tile."  She stands in the hallway and puts one foot into the bathroom (tile floor) and yells "tile!" while the other foot stays in the hallway where it is carpeted.  "Carpet!" she yells.  She will just thrill herself forever playing this game and laughing hysterically at herself like she has got to be the smartest, funniest girl in the whole world.  She hears me typing and starts to walk into the guest room where our computer is.  "Get on your lap and type, mama," Ella says.  She walks over to me and climbs up.  I have opened up a new page in Word so she can type whatever she wants.  "Type a letter to Grandma, mama.  With my name and phone number, mama."  She proceeds to spell her name and then tell me our phone number.  I let her bang her "letter" out on the keyboard.  "Turn on the music please, mama, " she says next.  We have iTunes on our computer so I ask her if she has any requests.  "Sweet Caroline, mama."  (What is this, a karaoke bar?)  I turn on Sweet Caroline, which she usually loves, but halfway through the song she says, "Turn off Sweet Caroline and put on My Girl, please mama."  Done with one click of my mouse.  She is now grooving in my lap to The Temptations and still working hard on her letter to Grandma.  "Down please mama," she says when she is done typing.  "Let's go to Ella's room and sit in the window seat."  All of the sudden the e-mail I had been working on becomes a distant memory and I am headed down the hallway behind my sweet little girl as she takes her itty, bitty steps with her arms stretched out in front of her, "looking" for the doorway to her bedroom.  She makes it there.  "Ooh, wood floor, " she says when she reaches her room and steps in.  She walks to the window seat using her crib as a guide and climbs up to stand in her window and knock - another favorite pastime.  "Hey daddy, what's up?" she yells out the window which faces the garage.  I say, "Oh Ella, daddy is not home quite yet.  He will be in a little bit and then we can yell to him."  "Oh," she says.  "Chicken, gravy, mashed potatoes and carrots for dinner, mama!" she yells next.  I guess I'd better get down to the kitchen and get to work!!

I am convinced that having my sister and her two boys in town and seeing them almost daily for a month helped Ella's social skills tremendously.  She still struggles sometimes with the noises that babies make, or with kids her own age in a play group setting - but she has come such a very long way.  She is trying to work through her issues and figure things out in that cute little head of hers.  After my sister was here about a week, Ella started changing the way she reacted to Bridger who is 3 months old.  Instead of getting upset or mocking his crying sounds, she began to say, "Bridger just needs his paci...or a bottle of juice."  When we could get my 3 1/2 year old nephew, Rylan, to sit still next to her for a few minutes...Ella would run her hands over his arms and legs and get a feel for his size and shape.  This seemed to help her tolerate him a little better when he would run into a room or bounce right next to her on the couch.  Kids are so unpredictable, and I can only imagine how she feels not having the visual connect to the sounds & movements that they make.  This is why I am so incredibly proud of her accomplishments over the past couple of months.  I see her learning, trying to interact and behave properly in situations, and trying to understand all that I am telling her all the time as I constantly explain what is happening.  And she is only TWO!  Wow - she leaves me speechless and amazed lately.  This is such a FUN as well as frustrating time in her life right now as she attempts to figure out the big world and just how she fits into it.  We laugh, we cry, we get mad, we are silly, we learn, we grow, we fall down and we get back up.  The long and winding road of parenthood & raising children...mostly a beautiful path, but as always there will be some thorny bushes to get around!! 

Last night I was standing at the sink doing dishes and Ella was standing next to me, opening and closing two of the kitchen drawers.  She loves to pull the drawers or cabinets open, and then push them shut as she says, “pull – push” or “open – close.”  I was just humming to myself and then realized that I had been singing out loud.  I was singing, “Oh, what heights we’ll hit…” - you know the theme song to The Bugs Bunny show – “Overture.”  I must have trailed off because all of the sudden I hear Ella chime in – clear as a bell – “on wifth da show, dis is it!”  I could not believe my ears!!  Of course Erik was in the garage and missed it, so I just stood there and looked at her with tears in my eyes.  Erik and I sing that song sometimes because it reminds us of a classic Seinfeld episode where Jerry sings it to Elaine right before they go into the theatre to see the opera Pagliacci.  Ella must have just picked it up and stored it in her little brain somewhere.  I got her to sing it again for Erik when he came inside so I totally have a witness.  He loved it just as much as I did!

Ella is turning 2 on Monday and I have been working with her on learning that she is two years old so she can answer people when they ask how old she is.  Which almost everyone we come into contact with does at some point!  So, Ella and I are at the Party store yesterday, getting some supplies for her birthday bash this weekend.  We are in the checkout line and Ella is starting to get a little loud as she is ready to get out of the cart and move around.  (Were we really there that long?!) I tell her that it will be just a few more minutes and then I will put her back in her carseat so we can head home.  “IN THE CAR!” she yells at the top of her lungs, smiling away and obviously very proud to be a little loud mouth two year old.  The clerk said to Ella, “I assume it is your birthday coming up soon…” and Ella yells, “I’M TWO!!!!!”  It was so cute.  I am not entirely sure yet why she feels the need to yell some of her words, but we are working on learning the difference between an “outside voice” and an “inside voice” – which she seems to want nothing to do with right now!

Last week Ella and I stayed a few nights up at my parents house while Erik was out of town and it was extremely beautiful out, so we filled up Grandma’s new blow up pool on the back porch.  Ella loves the water and we have had her in swimming lessons since she was 6 months old.  I plunked her down in the little pool with some measuring cups to play with and sat back to catch some rays myself.  In her sweet Ella voice that just melts my heart, she yells, “THIS IS FUN!” as she splashed both hands in the water and got herself totally drenched.  I had never heard her say “fun” before and it has been so rewarding to see how appropriately she uses her words & phrases lately.  She is a girl who knows what she wants, exactly when she wants to do it, with whom and for how long.  She likes to think that she is running the show – and sometimes I humor her because she is so darn irresistible! 

Here are a few more things that Ella does right now that make our day J

-          She will run her fingers through my hair and comb it when I ask her to.  Mommy loves this!!

-          She will sing songs to herself a lot, but also sing two on request.  Baa Baa Black Sheep and This Old Man.  She knows all the words and she does not like to be interrupted while singing.  Let a girl finish!!

-          She is walking everywhere inside of our house.  She trails the walls and is really mapping out her surroundings.  You can almost see her little brain at work.  It is amazing to watch her go from one room to the next, or up the stairs, or across a wide open doorway or archway.  She moves really FAST and we have had to put up gates near the stairs already!

-          She is one of the most loving little children that I know.  Grandma taught her to wrap both of her arms around your neck to give you a big hug and she will do this when you ask for it.  (I ask for it a lot!)  She will also give big kisses, but not all the time – only on her own schedule.  And there is no rhyme or reason to this schedule.  And if you are not paying attention when she tries to lean in and you miss her attempt to kiss you, well, good luck trying to get another one.  Forget it.  (Angie experienced this!)

-          We are talking A LOT about her baby brother lately and she will sign “baby” with her hands together, rocking her arms back and forth.  I ask her if she is going to love him when he comes and if she will give him big kisses and hugs.  She leans in every time with her mouth puckered up.  I am convinced that she will be an amazing big sister.  I am aware that it will take time for her to get used to his noises, his cries, his presence in general.  Once she realizes that he is not leaving at the end of the day, I am hoping she just accepts him as part of the family and does not try to smack him upside the head too much.  (I have a brother, so I know the urge and desire is always there!)

-          She has been sleeping for 10-12 hours at night.  Yippee!  Ella has not been the easiest child when it comes to “bedtime” and it has taken us all two years of her life to get her on a somewhat regular sleep schedule.  She used to just fight sleep so hard and get so upset at night time.  There was a lot of crying, both on her part and on ours.  Now we seem to be in a great place, and she really understands her bedtime routine and does not fight it so much anymore.  Bath - PJ’s on – nighttime bottle – brush teeth - maybe a story or a night time song – a prayer – then to sleep!  What a difference a good night’s sleep makes for Mommy and Daddy J

-          Her language has taken off in a way I could only dream about.  Everyone – friends, therapists, etc – told me that when she started walking more, her speech would probably follow suit.  Boy, were they ever right!  Not only does she love to repeat things that you say, or that she hears on TV, she also uses words in phrases.  She asks for what she wants (sometimes she needs to be reminded to ask “nicely!’”), she tells you how she feels either in signs or with words (ex:  hungry, thirsty, all done, more, etc.) and she talks about all of the people that she loves.  Some of her favorite things to say are:

- "Hubba Bubba Dada!"

- "RIGHT NOW!"

- "Upstairs Dada (or mama), Ella's room"

- "I know!"

- "Oh my goodness!"

- "Voom, Boom, Zoom"

- Currently she is a bona fide Daddy’s girl.  She goes absolutely nuts when he gets home from work.  She will hear the back door open and will whisper, “Dada’s home” with her little toothy grin.  She always wants Erik to hold her when he is around and she will climb on him and snuggle into him in ways she won’t do with anyone else.  I adore watching them together.  It is hard to put it into adequate words that would do it justice.  It is very special.

-          Since I am the one who gets her out of bed most days of the week, she has started saying, “good morning mama!” when she is up and ready for me to pick her up out of her crib.  Usually she needs a good five or ten minutes after she wakes up to just roll around in her crib and chatter to herself before she wants anyone to touch her.  Exhibit A – her wild bed head in the crazy hair gallery.  I have never seen anything like it in my life.  You almost have to see it in person to get the full effect.

Ella lives her little two year old life to the fullest.  She is the happiest person I know and wakes up each and every day with a huge smile on her face, ready to take on the world.  She is the most passionate kid I’ve ever met.  She loves hard, laughs loud, cries strong and lives big.  She is basically your typical two year old that throws tantrums for no apparent reason, gets into everything and acts like she is 6 years old.  To us, even though she has her differences, she is no different then any of our friends’ children.  She might walk a little slower, but she will walk right by your side.  She might not always push the ball straight back to you when playing catch, but she will want to be playing.  She might not read the same as other kids, but she loves to read books in her own way right now, always turning them upside down when she is done and “reading” them backwards.  She might not be able to connect with you through eye contact, but when she reaches out to touch you or talks to you, you feel a much deeper connection.  It has been said that “the eyes are the windows to the soul.”   I beg to differ.  You do not need eyes for people to be able to see the beauty that lies within a person.  Ella wears hers right on her sleeve.  Spend some time with her, and you can’t deny the essence of her sweet spirit.  She is a blessing in our lives and we are so thankful that two precious years ago, she arrived on the scene, as G.Pa says, “not yet 5 pounds and a whimper.”  She has grown not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well.  We are so proud of the little loud mouth two year old she has become!!  Check back next week for pictures of her big birthday bash…

1 Samuel 1: 27-28

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has given me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord."

Before Ella was born, I truly identified with Hannah in this verse and the depth of her desire to have a child.  She was desperate - and she chose to pour out her pain in prayer to the only one who could fill her empty arms.  Even though I did not go to the extent of weeping bitterly and not eating like Hannah did - I shared her heart's longing for a child of my own and prayed that God would grant the desires of my heart.  After four painful miscarriages, I had become the woman who, upon taking a positive pregnancy test, immediately and with shaky hands called her Doctor - not her close family and friends.  Instead of figuring out the coolest way to tell everyone, I was worried about getting on the right medications that would hopefully help me to sustain the pregnancy past the first few weeks.  When you have experienced that much loss, your ability to be blissfully happy is gone - and you settle for being restrained in your joy, wondering every day if your body will be able to handle it...if this time will finally be the time.  You want to share the good news with your loved ones, but you choose not to...just yet...to save you the sorrow of possibly having to face them later with a broken heart and not many answers. 

It kills you that you are not able to dive straight into planning your dream baby shower, start picking out names, or just sit back and enjoy your stress-free pregnancy.  For a "high-risk" case such as myself...each and every Dr. appointment is met with bated breath and the fear that something has gone wrong.  Even when you see the little heartbeat on ultrasound, you are unable to totally relax, wondering if it will still be beating strong at your next appointment...or if you will be leaving the Dr.'s office only to make another appointment that will leave you "un"pregnant and full of sadness.  I realized that it might be possible, that I, like many other women in the world, might never experience motherhood, despite the longing in my heart.  My faith, though shaky at times, remained constant that God was in control and had His plan.  I waited...and waited...and waited.  After being pregnant four times before, now it seemed that my struggle was just to get pregnant to begin with! 

We decided to aid our cause with the help of fertility treatments, as well as other medications in hopes of helping my weak eggs along once a pregnancy "took."  I took enormous pills, gave myself shots in the thigh at home, and visited the Fertility clinic three times a month for three months.  Let me just say that Fertility meds are not for the faint of heart and if your husband does not have the patience of a Saint...forget the whole thing!  I turned into an evil version of myself, and I could not do anything about it.   I realized just how sensitive my body is to different medications and treatments.  We had had enough.  We chose to forgo all pills, shots and treatments for one month so we could travel on our annual vacation to Mexico.  Wouldn't you know sweet Ella would arrive nearly nine months later!  

My pregnancy with Ella was really a dream come true.  I found it hard to complain about the constant nausea I had, weight gain, or any aches and pains.  I had fought the battle, done things I never thought I could do to myself and I was finally experiencing a healthy pregnancy.  I was determined to soak in every beautiful and precious minute of it.  At night time, lying in our bed with my hand on my ever-growing belly, I knew that the Creator of the universe - the one who made the heavens and the earth - was personally creating my unborn child.  Way before we knew that Ella would be born without eyes, I believed that the same God that hangs the stars in the night sky was at work on His latest masterpiece - my baby!  He wove together all of her tiny parts, put all her hairs in place, and heard every beat of her heart.  When Ella was born, I remembered reading that when God knits, he does not make mistakes.  He neither misses or adds an extra stitch.  I knew that Ella was a one of a kind original.  I was able to rest assured that she was created just for us - and that we were the only ones that would be able to care for her, love her and give her what she needed in this life.  She is still quite a "one of a kind" girl now - 2 next month! - doing things we never imagined and making us laugh in ways we only dreamed about!

This past Mother's Day was especially significant for me as I carry our second child - a little BOY! - that is due this fall.  Much like Hannah again, I had prayed that we would be able to give Ella a sibling.  God not only granted me the desire of my heart...but did it on the "first try", with no fertility drugs, no shots, no complications, no fear of loss...I could go on and on.  My heart overflows today with the thought of the little brother for Ella that is being created just for us.  To say he will be an extra special addition to our family is an understatement.  As a "special needs sibling", I feel confident that he will grow up with an extra measure of compassion for others that are "different."  In his knowledge of the world, he will understand that some people can walk, others cannot.  Some people can hear, others can't.  Some can see, his sister never will.  But that will be no big deal to him - because she is his sister.  And they will be bound together forever by genes and family memories.  I cannot wait to begin my journey as a mother of two - two little masterpieces...created just for us. 

Proverbs 13:12

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

Ella and I met Erik for lunch today at Panera.  Nothing out of the ordinary...we like to meet him for lunch during homestands to spend a little extra time with him.  But today, as Ella sat in her high chair at the end of the table and inhaled potato chips like they were going out of style, I realized something.  As I looked at her and Erik, my heart began to swell, tears welled in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat.  All of my life, I dreamed of meeting the right person, falling in love, getting married, starting a family and being a stay at home mom to my children.  I realized that I have been lucky enough to accomplish not just one or two, but all of the things I once dreamed about.  I looked at Ella and realized that she is such a beautiful combination of the two of us.  She has my machine gun laugh, but Erik's cute space between her two front teeth.  She shares his fierce passion, but seems to also share my spirit of silliness.  She definitely has inherited my elf ears, but makes the exact same little pouty face that he did when he was young.  Sometimes I tell Erik that I feel like I am going to break into pieces with how much I love Ella.  Like my heart is simply too big for my chest anymore and might burst out of my shirt at any given moment.  He knows exactly what I mean because he feels the same way.   Having your own children is the most wonderful, most rewarding, most difficult and most heart wrenching experience a person can have, in my opinion.  It can be cruel and beautiful and magical and exhausting all at once.  I am cherishing my role as a parent these days, just sitting back and thanking God for all of the wonderful things that make my life so full.  Thanking Him for both the terrific and the terrible.  Both the pain and the prizes.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  It all combines to form this life we have - and I cannot imagine it any other way. 

While Erik's parents were visiting at the end of April, Ella decided that it was time she learned to say her name.  Erik just asked her one night, "What's your name?" and she replied, "A-ya."  It is priceless.  I posted a new video of her talking to Erik and answering his questions.  She is now in full-on "repeating" mode.  I love, love, love it so much!!  I have been waiting for a long time for her to start using her little voice and now that she has found it - she talks more and more each day.  The best was the other day when she was playing with her Bruin Bear (who is voice activated).  He asks questions and if you don't answer in time, he says, "I guess you're tired.  Let's rest now.  Bye-Bye."  Ella responded "See ya" when he said bye bye and I had just taught her to say that like two days ago!!  Man, is she picking things up FAST! 

Ella is still not walking totally independantly in an open space - she will trail the couch, the table, the wall, etc. - but seems unsure yet when she "lets go."  She has not been a huge fan of using her walker lately, but the other day it was absolutely beautiful outside (almost 70 degrees!) and I had an idea.  We took her walker out on our very long driveway and I stood beside her with the bag of mini-marshmallows.  My standby for bribery - it works like a charm!   I told her that she had to stand up at her walker for one marshmallow, which she did, and then she had to take some steps before she could get anymore.  She walked with her walker from our garage to the sidewalk and back 3 times!!  Only stopping to lean her belly up against the bar and clap wildly for more marshmallows.  She looked so independant, with the sunshine on her face and the breeze blowing her hair around.  It was a big day for us!!  Now, on to getting her confidence up to start "letting go" more often...

I am also so glad that we started taking Ella to baseball games when she was only a few weeks old.  She absolutely loves all things Mud Hens and I have a feeling it is just a matter of time before she is a true ballpark rat.  Opening Day for the Hens this year was April 3rd and after snoozing away all of the pre-game activities, Ella woke up just in time for the first pitch and right before the clouds rolled in to block the sun and make it really cool in the seating bowl.  We took our party of Erik's parents, my dad, Ella and I up to the offices where we warmed up and still got to keep an eye on the game through the long windows that overlook the field.  Ella did so great the entire time - she only buried her head in our chests when the clapping got too loud, or the kids sitting behind us started screaming like you are supposed to do at baseball games.  This is going to be a fun season for us, and I am really looking forward to many more games with my girl.  Bring on the warmer weather, of course, and we are there!!

The night before Easter, we spent some time at our friends, the Griffins, house and Hank (almost 6) and Eddie (3) kept us entertained all night!  They are two of the sweetest boys you will ever meet, and they wanted to do all they could to ensure Ella was having the time of her life.  They brought toys to her, played blocks with her, and sang songs to her that made her smile.  Eddie sang her the "ABC song" while she ate dinner and Hank sang her "Baa Baa Black Sheep."  Jennifer also spent some time singing to Ella and claims it was the first time anyone ever applauded after she was finished singing   We had such a great time with our friends!

What a wonderful Easter Sunday we had this year!!  Ella popped up pretty fast early Sunday morning when I stuck my head in and said..."It's Easter!  Today we find some Easter eggs!"  She loves eggs - especially scrambled - so she was pretty darn excited.  We went to church with Grandma and PaPa and enjoyed a great service with beautiful music and a wonderful Easter message about the Resurrection.  Ella slept the entire service back in the Cry Room with Grandma - she does not like to be "shushed" during church and likes to pick that exact time to practice her counting reallyloud!!!  We headed over to Grandma and PaPa's house after church and set up for the big Easter lunch.  We had quite the crowd - but nothing unusual for a holiday with Jill's side of the family!  Great-Grandma Blitz came over from Aspen Grove and Lucille (Denny's mom) also joined us.  Rounding out the group were Di, Karley, Denny & Marlene, Marty & Missy, Mans, Michael, Skyler, Alex, Corey & Leah, Olivia, Mason, Kevin, Mark & Julie, Johnny, Alyssa, Chrissy, Grandma & PaPa, Erik & Jill and Ella.  We shared a delicious Easter meal that we realized was the exact meal we shared in 2001 as a mysterious home video was resurrected and we enjoyed watching how much everyone had changed in 7 years!!  I made the infamous Bunny Cake that I have been making ever since I was little (my dad used to help me) and I refuse to be humble.  It was the best Bunny Cake ever!  Usually it just sits in the middle of the table as a centerpiece and ends up getting all hard and crusty and no one wants to eat it.  Let me just tell you that there was a line of people, cake plates in hand, this year to try the Bunny Cake.   I was feeling pretty good about myself!   Grandma put on a great Easter Egg hunt for the kids with eggs hidden all over the house (still too cold outside in Michigan!) which contained either yummy goodies or pennies.  Ella even found her own 6 eggs with help from various family members.  We saved the pennies for her piggy bank and gave her a couple of jelly beans - which she loved!  It does not take much sugar to get Ella all jazzed, so the rest of the candy was stashed away for another time   We did want to get some sleep that night!!

There is a lot going on around here these days!  We are just over a week away from Opening Day for the Toledo Mud Hens 2008 baseball season.  Erik's parents arrive on Thursday to stay with us for a week, and they will be joining us for Opening Day festivities, along with my parents as well.  This is one of the earliest Opening Days that we can remember, so I told Nana and G.pa to bring warm clothes from California cuz it will be CHILLY here in Ohio!!  Thankfully we know "people" so we can warm up on the suite level if we get too numb.  One of the perks of Daddy's job!!  This will be Ella's second Opening Day and I am excited to see how she enjoys the ballpark this season.  We have been teaching her the words to "Take me out to the ballgame" so she is fully prepared for her first (of many!) seventh inning stretches this year!

Ella has learned a few new words as well as three new signs lately.  She is catching on really quick and it is so fun to listen to her go through her list of words!  She says them all at the appropriate times as well.  She is still doing well on her counting, and now she can tell us the numbers out of order as well.  We ask, "what comes after 5?" and so on, and she will get them right - every time!  When she tries to sling her skinny leg up onto the couch to climb on, she yells, "Up!" and when she gets on her belly to slide back to the floor, she yells, "Down!"  When we are changing her diaper, I say, "dirty diaper..." and she says, "Off!" and then I say, "clean diaper" and she says, "On!"  The same goes for "In" and "out."  Erik will sit on the floor with her and they will be playing with her tin can with the lids and she will put them in and take them out, all while yelling out what she is doing.  Another favorite word lately is "Boom!"  We taught her to say this when she ran into things with her walker, or fell back onto the ground when she was trying to walk.  Now we say it when we throw her onto the bed, the couch, etc.  When she says it, it comes out more like "bum!" and it is so stinking adorable.  I absolutely LOVE to see her making these connections. 

I also taught her the signs for mommy, daddy, and milk the other day.  We learned those from sitting and watching a Baby Einstein video of My First Signs.  Now she knows those three, along with hungry, thirsty, love you and storybook (kind of!)  She still gets confused with signs sometimes, but we continue to work on it daily.  Just another thing I never thought I would be able to do with my blind child...and I stand corrected yet again!!  She is pretty amazing right now - and we are excited to see how she continues to progress as we approach her 2nd Birthday coming up in June!

At the close of the Extreme Makeover – Home Edition episode a couple of weeks ago featuring our friends the Hughes family, Patrick Henry played and sang a Brooks & Dunn song that I know he loves so much.  It is called “Believe.” Some of the lyrics read:
I can't quote the book
The chapter or the verse
You can't tell me it all ends
In a slow ride in a hearse
You know I'm more and more convinced
The longer that I live
Yeah, this can't be
No, this can't be
No, this can't be all there isWhen I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what I can see
I believe…Oh, I believe 

Patrick played and sang that song when he and his father visited our area a few months ago and I loved hearing him sing it in person just as much as I enjoyed seeing him on that show.  My apologies to Brooks and Dunn, but Patrick’s version of this song is my favorite.  I love the passion with which he sings these words.  Patrick Henry’s passion and his attitude in general are so contagious.  Infectious.  I want to surround myself with people like Patrick Henry all the time – encouraging, supportive, inspiring, and enthusiastic.  What an amazing outlook on life he has embraced.  His rendition of “Believe” got me thinking about how blessed I am to truly know that there really is more to this life.  More than this earth can offer us.  More waiting for us in that wonderful and sometimes mysterious place called heaven.  I know this because, as the song says, I believe.  I choose to believe.  Every minute of every day I make that choice.  

The song talks about “finding more and more truth in the words written in red.”  In the Bible, the words written in red are the words Jesus actually spoke when he was on the earth as a man, experiencing life as we do.  John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.”  Those words He spoke are full of encouragement, support, inspiration, enthusiasm.  Full of promise and hope.  So when the Bible tells me that Jesus said in Matthew 10:32, “Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven.  But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven,” I choose to believe that is the real, raw, honest, nothing else matters truth.  That if we choose to believe in His Word, realize we are separated from Him by our sins, receive Him into our hearts as our Savior and try our best everyday to live for Him – then that extraordinary place called heaven becomes a reality for us.  No more wondering…does it really, truly exist?  Do I think I might be going there?  Have I done enough good in my life to get me in?  Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”  The truth is, as many people unfortunately think, doing all the “good” in the world is just not enough to save you a spot in heaven.  In what might be the most popular Bible verse of all time, John 3:16, we are promised, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”  Eternal life in heaven, with God, where there is no hurt, pain or suffering.  Where broken human bodies are healed and replaced with new perfect heavenly bodies.   

Eternal life has always been somewhat of a mystery to me.  I have read the Bible, front to back, end to end, and I still have trouble wrapping my head around the concept.  I realize that God does not expect us to ever understand it while we are still on this earth – that is where faith comes in.  As Max Lucado writes in one of his books, “It’s Not about Me”; “Eternity makes no sense to us, the time-bound.  You might as well be handed a book written in kanji (unless of course, you are Japanese!)  You look at the characters and all you see is zigzagged lines.  You shake your head.  This language finds no home in your heart.”  You just have to be faithful.  As believers, we are commanded in Matthew 28:19 to “Go and make disciples of all nations...”  Basically, once you believe for yourself – GO AND TELL OTHERS!  “…teach them to obey everything I have commanded you.”  Share the good news!  Thanks in large part to my wonderful parents, (and an amazing godly man named Paul Walberg who was my youth pastor) I cannot remember one minute of my life where I did not know the truth of God’s Word.  I learned about it as a child and made a decision to give my life to Him at the young age of 10 or 11.  As I grew up, truly “living for Him” became increasingly more challenging for me as the pressures and the temptations of the world crept in.  Sharing my faith – really getting out there and telling people about what I believe – has always been a struggle for me.  Was I ashamed?  No.  Did I lack boldness?  Maybe.  Was I simply afraid of what people would say or think?  Probably.  I tend to be one that wants to live it more through my words and actions – the things I say and the way I treat people – then waving my Bible on a street corner and screaming from the mountaintops that “Jesus is Lord!”    

I wonder why I have been so hesitant for so many years.  Maybe it has been some of the times in my life when my actions and words were NOT matching up with the beliefs deep in my heart.  The last thing on my mind was sharing my faith in Jesus.  Looking like a hypocrite and a coward are not my ideas of a good time.  Yet despite our failures…God loves us anyway.  He is not fooled by appearances.  We cannot fake our behavior to impress Him.  He knows that inside the best of us lurk dark feelings that only He can deal with.  As believers, we will stumble.  We will fall.  There will be times where we make the wrong choices.  Say the wrong thing.  Do the wrong thing.  Screw up royally.  Guess what?  God forgives.  God forgets.  You can get right with Him again if you want to.  That is one of the many, many amazing things about God.  He will meet you where you are.  Time and time again.  I am thankful that while God accepts us for who we are – He is not satisfied to leave us that way.  He wants to change our hearts.  He wants us to have a personal relationship with Him.  He wants us to experience salvation so we can relish the wonder and glory that is eternal life in heaven.  If I had to get up every morning thinking, “Is this REALLY all there is?” I imagine I’d be pretty darn depressed.  We are lucky that He gave us such a beautiful world, however imperfect because of sin, to experience during our time here.  But thank God this is not all there is!!  John 14:2-3 tells us, “For I go to prepare a place for you…I will come again and receive you to myself that where I am, there you may be also.”  The real prize is in heaven.  That is where we will get down to business and do some real living.  Living for and worshipping Him.  To that end, we should make the best of our time here on this earth.  Follow His commandments.  Try to love others with the love of Jesus.  Share the good news of salvation with as many people as you possibly can.  Maybe you are the only person in someone’s life that might take the time to show them the love of Jesus.  Don’t pass up any more opportunities.  Don’t be ashamed.  As the popular children’s song says, “This little light of mine.  I’m gonna let it shine.  Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine.”  Don’t let the sun go down on one more day without making sure people know where you stand and who you choose to serve in this life.  It might not be the “easy” choice, as far as the world is concerned, but it is the ONLY choice you can make that truly pays eternal dividends. 

I thank God daily for the gift that is my daughter, as her life has strengthened my faith in ways I could never imagine.  There was a Dr. in the NICU who approached us the day after Ella was born, test results in hand, waiting to break the news to us for the first time.  He stood in front of us, paused, and said, “My deepest sympathies on your tragedy.”  Never in my life will I ever forget the way those words stung me.  The dictionary definition of tragedy is “an event resulting in great loss and misfortune.”  To this Doctor, the fact that Ella was born blind and possibly with other issues as well was simply a great loss in his mind.  A terrible misfortune.  At the time, I was completely livid that he would choose to say something like that to us.  I had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl who was breathing, moving, crying…needing to be held and loved.  So…she’s blind?  Possibly more?  It is not what we expected to hear, but we will deal with it, right?  She is our baby.  Our brand new beautiful little girl.  I found absolutely nothing tragic about that fact. 

Later, in my hospital room, as the reality of Ella’s condition finally set in, I realized that if it was not for our faith in a sovereign God – I easily could have seen our situation as a tragedy.  It was a great loss.  Loss of dreams…loss of the bliss that is supposed to surround the birth of your first child…loss of having our prayers for a healthy baby answered.  It certainly could have been seen as a great misfortune.   However, as deep as my flesh was grieving that day, my heart was slowly finding peace.  I knew that even though it might have seemed that God had not answered our prayers; that our requests and what we had received were not matching up…He had indeed been listening to us.  He just had higher plans in mind.  As difficult as it was, we were willing to trust Him to find out what those plans were.  I remember frantically asking my parents to find a bible.  I raced through the pages, looking for the verse that was playing over and over in my head.  The one where Jesus, after crying out to God to spare his life, finally realized that his Father would indeed sacrifice him for the sake of the entire world.  In Matthew 26:39, Jesus, knowing he will be hung on a cross to die, tells his father – “Not my will, but thy will be done.”  We wrote that verse on a piece of purple paper and hung it on the wall in our hospital room the day we received the news of Ella’s condition.  Not our plans, but your plans, Lord.  If we were ever going to find the strength to get through this, we were going to fully trust God to give it to us.  Whatever ways He chose to do that.  I look back now and think, while our struggle might seem to pale in comparison to what some people experience in life, the following might have been true.  “Is there any chance, any possibility that you have been selected to struggle for God’s glory?  Have you been granted, for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake?”  Max Lucado goes on in the book, “It’s Not About Me” to say this:  “Your faith in the face of suffering cranks up the volume of God’s song.  God will use whatever he wants to display His glory.  Heavens and stars.  History and nations.  People and problems.”   

A little blind girl from Ohio?  God allowed us to see Ella’s birth not as a tragedy, but as an amazing opportunity.  Could He have allowed Ella to be born with eyes?  To spare us from all the shock and pain surrounding her birth?  Of course He could.  But He didn’t.   He chose to allow us to use our suffering for His glory.  Let me be clear on this.  We chose to trust Him.  We didn’t have to.  Do you know how many people asked us if we were mad at God?   Don’t you think it would have been easier for us to just blame God for “doing” this to us?  We could have cried for days, “Why us? Why?  Why?”  But…we already knew why.  We knew that our pain had a purpose.  And that was only because God gave us the peace that passes all understanding.  We could not have done it on our own.  We still wished that our daughter would just open her eyes and finally see us one day.  We were still afraid that we might not know how to care for her properly, give her the right instruction in life, teach her about happiness.  We chose to be faithful and cling to the belief that God’s higher plans would be revealed to us in time.   

And now, at 20 months old, Ella’s fierce spirit reminds us daily what a sovereign God we serve.  Who knew I would have created a website for Ella where I could share such personal feelings with so many?  Who knew I would be given such a platform to share about our story and our faith?  Well, it’s simple.  God did.  Because of the peace only He can give, we chose to make our hospital room that day a showcase for Him.  The nurses came in and saw our verse hung on the wall.  “Wow”, they said.  “What faith you must have.”  Let me be clear again.  Our faith does not come from anything in this world.  It does not come from something that inspired us on an episode of Oprah.  You will not be able to find it reading the latest popular self-help book.  It only comes from trusting in an all-knowing, all-loving God.  God does not have an ego problem.  He does not reveal His glory for His good.  We need to witness it for ours.   

If Ella decides one day that she wants to follow Him, desires to make Him Lord of her life; then our work as parents is done.  That is our greatest desire for Ella.  Whatever else she might accomplish in her life will just be beautiful accents to her salvation.  I will always be thankful to my cousin Corey for pointing out a sublime thought when Ella was just a few weeks old, “Just think” he said, “when Ella gets to heaven, the first person she will ever see is Jesus.”   I cannot imagine a more perfect sight than that.   

Time to let your little light shine J  

PS:  When I worked for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, they came out with a great link on their website that explains salvation using sports terms that many people can relate to.  If you are interested, you can check it out at http://www.morethanwinning.org/.  If you like what you read…I’d love to hear about it J

On Saturday, February 23, Erik and I will celebrate our 6^th wedding anniversary.  6 years to the day that my mom was giving her toast at our wedding reception…and Clifford the Big Red Dog strolls into the room to thunderous applause and cheers from our guests.  (I suppose that statement deserves a little back-story for some people J) 

In the summer of 2000, I was an intern at our local PBS TV station in downtown Toledo.  We were about to air a new popular children’s show, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and we were promoting it like crazy.  The Toledo Mud Hens are our local Triple A Baseball Team (the AAA affiliate for the Detroit Tigers) and we thought it would be a great idea to have Clifford appear at a Sunday afternoon game to get all the kids excited about watching the show.  What a perfect idea!  When the Clifford suit came from the book company, we quickly realized that there were not going to be many people that would fit comfortably in the suit.  It was much smaller then we originally thought and all of the sudden…all eyes were on me.  “Jill, why don’t you do it?  Have you ever been a mascot before?”  WHAT??  ME??  Nope, no mascot experience.  However, as I was simply an unpaid intern just trying to earn credit for school and possibly land a job after I graduated, I agreed to don the Clifford suit at the Mud Hens game that Sunday.  Are any of you reading this trying to lose weight right now?  Stop the dieting and put away your running shoes, because I have a sure-fire way to melt the pounds off.  Just dress in a big, hot, furry dog suit with attachable “head” included on a 95 degree afternoon in the middle of July and stand out in the sunshine at a baseball game waving at everyone like a crazy fool.  Lean over all day, hugging kids who think you are the “real deal” and squeeze their sweaty arms around you as they pose for pictures.  Don’t forget to run on the dusty field in between innings doing cartwheels (yes, they made me do that and thank God the head stayed on) and nearly passing out due to heat exhaustion.  I dropped 10 pounds by 4:00 that afternoon.  The Mud Hens were gracious enough to allow “Clifford” to come into the front office for a much needed break every now and then.  I would take the gargantuan dog head off and one of the ticket guys would spray my face with a cool water bottle.  I also re-packed the ice vest they had me wearing under the suit, although it did little to keep me cool that day.   Erik was in charge of the ticket office at the time (back when the Hens still played at the Ned) and during one of my breaks, I remember thinking he was really handsome.  We did not speak at all, and who are we kidding, I was suffering from heat stroke anyway, so I did not think much of him as I drove home from the ballpark that night.  (Possibly the skinniest I have ever been in my life - Whoo-Hoo!) 

About a month later, a group of us from the restaurant I was working at were out and I saw some guys I recognized from the Mud Hens.  I walked up to say hello and all I got in return were six blank faces.  They had absolutely no idea who I was!  I said, “It’s me. Clifford!” and they were all like, “Oh yeah!  Clifford…now I remember.”  (When asked what could be an important decision I have made in my life, I will admit that choosing to be Clifford that day definitely ranks pretty high up there!) I smiled at Erik and realized how handsome he really was, remembering him from that day at the ballpark.  To make an awfully long story somewhat short, we hung out that night…and have been together each and every night since then.  People may think we are silly, but we truly knew within days that we were meant for each other.  Maybe even sooner than that.  We had a true fairy tale romance from the start.  He revealed to me while we were dating that he remembered thinking how cute I was the day I was Clifford.  Remember now…I was sweaty, wearing no make-up, hair slicked back wet from the spray bottle, red fuzz clinging to me everywhere…not to mention wearing a big red dog suit.  Bless his heart, I thought, he either has real bad vision or he likes girls in dog suits.  I was happy to find out later that he just liked me…not so much the suit.  Whew!  Thank God.   

We were engaged by May of 2001 – he asked me on a boat in Lake Michigan as we toured the city of Chicago on a beautiful, sunny evening – and we dove head first into the wedding planning.  We did not see any reason for waiting too long – we were totally ready!  (My parents might have a different story since we planned our wedding a mere 6 months after my sister’s, but they were very happy for us & supportive of our plans!!  Thanks mom and dad!)  All my life I thought I wanted a summer or fall wedding, but we had to plan around the baseball season, as well as Opening Day of the Hens brand new ballpark that was scheduled in April of 2002.  We opted for February of that year and prayed all of our out of town guests would not have weather related issues getting out to Ohio in the middle of winter.  February 23 finally came and it was the only 50+ degree day that month.  Not a snowflake in sight, clear blue skies, cold but not bone-chilling.  Absolutely perfect!  The wedding was beautiful and after all of the guest greeting and picture taking, we were ready to party!!  It was at our reception that my mom and Erik’s dad had a little surprise waiting for us.  I still can’t believe they pulled one over on us!  My mom’s toast was more like a story of how we met – and you can imagine my shock when they re-inacted that day at the ballpark with my brother in a Clifford suit they rented and my brother-in-law in the “Muddy the Mud Hen” mascot outfit.  Muddy asked Clifford to marry him and after someone put a white vail on Clifford’s head, he and Muddy walked off into the sunset together.  Bet our guests never thought they would be entertained quite like that!!  It was awesome and Erik and I both teared up as Clifford and Muddy stuck around to pose for pictures with guests and hug all the kids that were now thinking this was definitely turning out to be the coolest wedding in the world!  And for us…it most certainly was.  Magical.  Extraordinary.  Perfect J 

Erik and I chose to write our own vows that day…and I am still so glad we decided to do that.  It was so intensely beautiful and intimate to hear words that he chose to write to me…words that had deep personal meaning attached to them.  Every now and then, I break out my “wedding box” and read our sacred vows over again.  Part of Erik’s vow to me reads like this:  “I promise to be a loving leader, as God intended for me, to speak and to listen, to walk beside you and be your best friend.  When you fall, I will catch you.  When you are worried, I will relax you.  When you cry, I will hold you.  And when you laugh, I will share your joy...”   We have spent the last six years sharing each others joys, sorrows, happiness, tears, high points, low points, and all of the wonderful and painful things in between.  The good times and the bad.  Through sickness and health.   

But do you know what was NOT part of our wedding vows that day?  Erik did not vow that he would have the right words to say to me when we lost our first baby to miscarriage.  He did not vow that he would have the strength to endure not only the loss of one baby…but two…and then three.  He did not vow that he would stick beside me as we endured several failed fertility treatments.  He did not vow that he would put up with the rage those treatments seemed to bring out in me and he definitely did not vow that he would know what to say to me when we realized that parenthood might not ever be a reality for us.  We did not vow to each other that we would be OK if we finally had our prayers answered with the blessing of a baby…yet came to find that she was born with a very special need that we could never have imagined.  I don’t remember Erik vowing to me at our wedding that he would be a rock of strength and encouragement to me as we accepted our daughter’s blindness not as a tragic event…but as a beautiful chance to let others be strengthened by the way God orchestrated Ella’s birth and her life.  We did not vow any of those things to each other six years ago.  But in fact, that has been the path our marriage has taken.  And that is one of the many wonderful things about God.  If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.  All you have to do is trust Him.  As easy or as difficult as that may be.  At the end of our vows, we promised to each other that “with God’s help” we would be faithful and true to each other “no matter what the uncertainties of the future might bring.”  We could not have known that day six years ago how incredibly blessed we would be and how thankful we would be for the absolutely amazing life we share today.  I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us – it is hard to believe that it can get any better than this!! 

Thank you Erik for being my perfect match, my better half, my rock, my strength & my best friend.  Thank you for being the husband women only dream about and the very best Daddy that Ella could ever hope to have.  We are the two luckiest girls in the world & we love you so much!! 

(On the videos page you will find a new video commemorating our past six years together.  The first song is the one that was sung on our wedding day.  What a great life we have!!)