Yesterday I was NOT the mom I want to be.  

Lana didn't nap well.  I took her to have dinner with a dear friend and her kids, even though I KNEW she would probably have a meltdown.  I was being selfish and really wanted to visit with my friend.  I pushed her way past her limit.

When she had the (expected) meltdowns, I grew increasingly frustrated with her.  As we left our friends' house, I responded to her continued crying by raising my voice at her and giving "full vent to my anger."  I WANTED her to feel bad.  It was NOT about discipling her or training her in righteousness.  It was much more about me being embarrassed and wanting her to feel bad.  The WORST motivations ever.

Thankfully, the Spirit is so good to speak to my heart, and before we even arrived at our home (5 minutes away), I was fully repentant.  After parking in our driveway, and before we got out of the car, I unstrapped Lana and sat her with me in my seat.  I apologized to her for the poor choices I made in speaking to her and asked for her forgiveness.

She is SO tender and quick to forgive me when I've done wrong.  Of course that just makes me cry....what a precious child she is.  We had a sweet time of cuddling and praying, both of us asking God to forgive us.  I explained to her again about how when we ask for forgiveness, God is faithful to hear our request, and then our sin is gone - done with - paid for.  

This morning I had an early doctor's appointment, and Lana stayed at home with Dan.

I called him when I was leaving the doctor's office and asked him if she had told him about our terrible afternoon while he was at work.  He laughed and said, "She did!  Let me see if I can remember exactly what she said."

And here is Lana's retelling to her Daddy:

"Last night when we were at Kate Kate's house, it was not dinner time, and then it was dinnertime.  And I pitched a fit.  And I made poor choices.  And then mommy got frustrated and got a fit and yelled.  And in the car, I had a bad attitude and Mommy had a bad attitude.  But she said she was sorry, and we prayed and asked God for forgiveness.  And I forgived Mommy and Mommy forgived me, and God forgived us.  And that feels better."