It's hard to believe that Michael is three months old and that we are celebrating his first Christmas. Where does the time go?

In the last month Michael has changed so much that he is no longer recognizable as that frail, tiny little baby that was hooked up to all those monitors. In fact, he's quite the little chunky monkey now.

Developmentally speaking, he appears to be ahead of where he is supposed to be. I get an email each week telling me what my baby should be doing this week, but most of the time, Michael has been performing that task for a week or two already. As an example, he's supposed to start grasping items this week. This is something he's being doing for at least two weeks. Also, he is already trying to talk. Yeah, it's gibberish, but it's not a simple "coo." He will string 8-10 sounds together at a time. He's also good at taking turns talking, and there are several words he repeats. (I have no idea what Err-Wig is, but it is VERY important to Mikey).

Every moment I spend with that kid brings more joy and amazement. This from the woman who was freaked out about being pregnant again - LOL!

Someone sent this link to me. Fascinating.

 http://www.newsweek.com/id/73145

So, I've been a bit quiet lately. That's mostly because I've been doing a lot of research and studying. I've also engaged some adult XXYs in discussion in an attempt to better understand Michael. It hasn't been easy having these discussions.

When we first learned of Michael's condition, it really shook us to the core. Some of the basic beliefs that both my husband and I have held for as long as we can remember are being challenged. I'm trying to reconcile what I've been taught with what I now know. I don't know if I will ever have an answer as to why this happened (the cosmic why - not the medical why) and I think I'm okay with that. But, I do feel the need to understand a few things that I'm not yet ready to discuss fully on this site.

I will say that, the more I study and speak with others, the more normal Michael and this XXY condition seems. I'll expand . . .

I'm a member of several mail lists that are broken up into several categories - peds, adolescent, adult, etc. It seems that a lot of what the parent's of adolescents are concerned about are things that I've seen in Jacob (my XY son). So, things that are being blamed on the XXY condition are, in my experience, typical boy behaviors. This may sound strange, but I actually find comfort in this. I try to offer advice to those parents, but it tends to be ignored since I'm speaking of my XY son and not my XXY son. It's taught me a valuable lesson - that just because XXY is not fully understood by the medical profession, it does not mean that everything that comes out of the doctors' mouths is inaccurate. Yes, it's important to be viligant about Michael's health, but I no longer feel like we are on an island.

All of this studying and thinking leads to a lot of restless nights for me. I continually find new contacts and websites and join discussion boards in an attempt to learn more (yes, I'm the eternal student). One thing I came across today was another mother's story. The link to her story is here: http://www.intersexualite.org/Mother.html.

What I take away from her story is that we are not alone and that maybe understanding the why isn't as important as enjoying the today. I need to remember this.

Michael has his own rap song. Enjoy!

My name is Michael and I'm here to say
I like to drink milk in a major way.

I drink it all day and I drink it all night
Then I fart so loud I give everyone a fright.

So give me a bottle and give it to me now
And if you don't comply then I'll start to howl.

Well, my eyes are blue and my hair is brown
And I always wake up when you put me down.

I have some chubby cheeks that are oh so cute
And I can burp as loud and I can toot.

I don't seem to mind that I don't have no teeth
But when I grow me some I'm going to eat me some beef.

I have a big brother and his name is Jake
And I think he's really cool for goodness sake.

I don't like my swing and I don't like my seat
I don't like my stroller all I want to do is eat.

I do like my bath 'cause it feels so good
And I like my yellow towel with the duckie hood.

I think that day is night and I think that night is day
And when you want to sleep is when I always want to play

So I party all night and I sleep all day
My name is Michael and I'm here to stay!

Tuesday

It's hard to believe Michael is six weeks old already. At our last unofficial weigh-in, he was 10.5 pounds. He also seems to be getting longer, although I have not measured him. He's already outgrown several of his onesies, and I suddenly do not have any booties that fit him. It's almost as if those feet grew three inches over night!

His new favorite thing is to push off of you when you are holding him upright and stare straight into your eyes. He will hold his head up like that for a good five minutes before resting. It's funny to have an infant stare so intently at you like that. You wonder what he is thinking . . .

He also loves his activity center. It's the one place I can lay him for a good 20 minutes with no complaints. (Good thing . . . else I'd never get a shower!) He will stare at the objects hanging above his head and bat at them with his hands and feet. He also "talks" to them. Actually, I'd say he yells at them! LOL!

Michael is definately on target with all his developmental milestones so far, and he truly is a joy. We're still working on sleeping more than three hours at a time. Keep your fingers crossed that we reach that milestone VERY soon. Mommy needs a good night's sleep!

Sunday

Michael turned 5 weeks old yesterday. It's hard to believe that much time has passed already. He has put on a lot of weight. In fact, Mom hadn't seen him in a while and said she would not have recognized him. His cheeks are chubby and he has developed a double chin.

We still don't sleep throgh the night and Vince and I are trying to survive that. I'm not in a rush for Michael to grow up, but I am ready to fast forward a few weeks where we can sleep for more than three hours at a time. The only one sleeping well in the house is Jacob.

I've given myself a bit of a break from the KS research. I did, however, watch the episode of "A Baby Story" on TLC called "Baby Drake". I would have liked to have seen more detail on the procedure that the dad went through, but I guess that's not the point of the program. One thing they said in the program was that KS comes from the mom's side. In all my research that I've done, I have never found that to be a fact. Instead, everything I've read indicates that they are not sure where it comes from. The problem occurs during meiosis 1 or 2. Meiosis 1 is during egg division, prior to fertilization, which would indicate the problem occured on mom's side. But, Meiosis 2 occurs after fertilization, so that could be either a problem with the sperm or the egg. In my situation, it probably happened during meiosis 1 since I'm a "mature mom", but there's no way to tell. Besides, who cares? I'm not sure what the point of knowing would be, other than for assigning blame or guilt.

The bottom line is I have a healthy, awesome baby boy. And, all the people I've met online who also have KS are awesome men. I would be proud to be mom to any of them.

Friday

Today was cool. Michael and I hung out and watched TV. Well, I watched TV while he laid in my lap - only waking to eat and for diaper changes. What a rough life he has. We also read a book together. He seemed to like it.

On the medical front it appears that his left testical has definately descended. WOO HOO! Now, let's keep praying for the right one to drop into place.

I have to admit that I am aprehensive about his upcoming surgery. On one hand, I'm enjoying watching him grow up (and anxiously anticipating that day when he sleeps for 5 hours straight), but getting older means the first surgery is drawing near. I wish there were some way that he could avoid all of it. The thing that keeps me sane about it is knowing that he will be too young to remember.

Thursday

Does anyone have any they can give me? I'm willing to pay - top dollar!

Michael does not sleep for more than a three-hour stretch at a time. I know this is normal, but it is killing me. I feel like my brain is melting - no wait . . . it already has melted.

My sister is here and I know she is bored to death, but I just don't have the energy to do anything. Heck, I don't even have the brain capacity to hold a conversation right now. I know I'm supposed to be this super happy, giddy mommy, but honestly, I'm just tired.

Yes, I have help during the night, but I still wake when he wakes. I haven't had uninterruped sleep since I was about 6 months pregnant. You would think I'd be use to it, but I'm not. To make matters worse, lack of sleep or messed up sleep patterns trigger my migraines. I had one pretty much all day yesterday.

I know, I know, this is supposed to be a site about Michael and KS. And it will be - just as soon as I can get my head on straight again.