Sunday 

1:00 comes and goes, but no baby. Just as Vince and I start to doze off she arrives around 2:00. I’m disheartened to learn that she has been given a bottle. I want to breastfeed and don’t want to deal with any nipple confusion. Vince and I decide to try and breastfeed right away. She attempts to latch on but is more of a kissing fish than a big mouth bass. We try a few times. No luck, but hey, we’ve got nothing but time to figure this out. We all fall asleep, but every time the baby sighs or gurgles we both wake up and stare for half an hour. At one point I awaken to find Vince holding the baby and just staring. It was beautiful. 

We finally manage to sleep for a few hours and then it’s time to get up. Vince has to leave to pick up Jake from Jeff and Melissa’s house and then head to the airport to pick up my mom. He tells me to not go anywhere while he’s gone. Yeah, right. I ask the nurse to take the baby back to the nursery. I’m exhausted and am nervous to be alone with her. After all, it has been about 10 years since I’ve been around a baby. I manage to get some excellent sleep for about four hours. 

Vince arrives with my Mom and Jacob. Vince calls the nursery for the baby. I feel pretty good. I still can’t feel anything below my waist, but I feel energetic. The baby arrives and the ooohing and aaahing begins. I make a few more phone calls to the family. We know that Vince’s family will arrive sometime today and hopefully my dad will come as well. We take pictures of mom and Jake with the baby. Mom takes pictures of me with the baby, then of Vince with the baby, then of Jake with the baby . . . it looks like the press is on the scene. 

The next few hours are more of the same. We take turns holding her, kissing her, talking to her, etc. Mostly we just stare in amazement. She has a full head of black hair and these beautiful blue-gray eyes. She has dimples in her chin and on her cheeks – just like her daddy. She is so tiny. 

My dad and his family arrive. I am surrounded by people that love us. Everyone is talking about how beautiful the baby is. It’s loud and joyous in my room. We do not talk about her condition. Only Vince, my mom and myself are aware that anything is amiss. 

After a little while the family leaves to let us rest. It’s getting to be late at this point and Vince’s family hasn’t arrived. Since they are at least two hours away this concerns me. Vince places a phone call to check on them. We are having a blast just hanging out with our beautiful daughter. We talk about what the pediatrician told us. We decide that surgery to open her vagina is okay, but surgery to reduce her clitoris is not okay. After all, even though we are not ready to think of our daughter as being sexually active, we know she will be some day and we would like for her to have the best experience possible. 

The pediatrician comes into the room and informs us that Victoria needs to be transferred to Children’s Medical Center right away. An ambulance is in route as we speak. Apparently, adrenal hyperplasia is serious enough that treatment needs to begin ASAP. I’m devastated. I thought we would be able to take her next week. She’s only been alive for 18 hours and now she is being taken from her parents. I ask the pediatrician if Vince can ride in the ambulance with her. He tells us no. He leaves the room. The NICU nurse comes in and takes our daughter to be prepped for transit. I begin sobbing. We barely know our little girl and now we have to give her to complete strangers? I cannot stop bawling. We look out the window (my room is by the hospital entrance) and we see Vince’s family arriving. I sob harder. What are we going to tell them? I’m certainly not up for visitors. 

Vince goes outside to meet the family in the hallway. Mom stays with me. Vince comes back after a few minutes and tells me the family wants to see me. He hasn’t told them any specifics – only that something is wrong and the baby is being transferred to Children’s and that I’m very upset. I try to compose myself. I ask Vince to call the NICU and see if they will bring her in so that the family can meet her and so that I can say good-bye. He calls. They tell us she can’t come. I start sobbing again. 

The family comes into the room and I try hard to compose myself. No one is saying much. Surprisingly the nurse arrives and brings the baby into the room. Everyone crowds around her and talk about how beautiful she is. I ask to hold her. I cry harder. (I’m crying now as I write this.) We say a prayer over our newest family member. 

The nurse returns about 30 minutes later and tells us it’s time for the baby to go – the ambulance has arrived. I look outside. Yep, an ambulance is there. The paramedic comes in and has me sign the transfer papers. I ask if Vince can ride with the baby. She says yes. This gives me a lot of relief. Vince doesn’t want to leave me. You see, I’m normally a pretty strong person, but this has me messed up. I tell him that he will help me most by going with her. He and the family go outside and stand near the ambulance. My mom and mother-in-law stay in the room with me. We don’t talk much, which is fine. I’m not up for conversation. I

 watch my oldest son play in front of the hospital with his cousins. He is blissfully unaware of what’s going on. I hope he stays that way. My sisters and brothers-in-law are with Vince. They are all standing next to the ambulance. 

After what seems like an eternity, I see my daughter being wheeled out to the ambulance. She is in an incubator. I wasn’t expecting that. I start crying again. My mom and mother-in-law are standing on either side of the window watching her get loaded into the ambulance. I see tears streaming down both their faces. Jake realizes what is going on. The joy that was on his face just moments ago is now gone. Vince turns and looks at me, smiles, and gets inside. The ambulance doors close. My baby is gone. 

The men in the family get in the car and follow Vince to Children’s as he will need a ride back. The women come into the room with me. Some of my nieces and my nephew are in the room as well. Jake is here with me also. It’s noisy. My nephew Ethan asks me a lot of questions. He’s two and looks just like his daddy. We talk about all kinds of stuff. I answer all of his questions. It’s great because it takes my mind off of my situation. We all talk about nothing and everything. It is just what I need. 

After what seems like another eternity Vince returns. He tells me that our baby has been placed in a beautiful room on the 12^th floor. She has an awesome view of downtown Dallas. I’m jealous. He said the nurses are all excited because they get to hold this baby. Usually the babies are too sick to be held. He assures me our daughter is in great hands. 

He and Jake leave to go home. Jake has school the next morning and needs to get to bed. It’s already after 9:00 and bed time is 8:45. Mom spends the night with me. Surprisingly I sleep. I dream that I am still pregnant and that the events of the last few days are actually the dream. 

Throughout the night several nurses check on me. I am deeply touched by the compassion they show. One nurse prays for me and tells me she will call me tomorrow to check on me. (She kept her promise).