I've been debating on whether or not to post some of my thoughts as we move through Michael's journey with XXY. My original goal was to make this site about Michael so he would be better able to understand himself. As I think about that original goal, I have to wonder if my sharing the thoughts, discussions, etc. that Vince and I have would help Mikey. After a lot of soul-searching, I believe it will.

The other thing I realized is that I get the most help from other XXY parents that are willing to lay it all on the line and share their thoughts, trials and tribulations. If I can help one other parent the way I've been helped, then I will die knowing I did something really good in this world.

So, in that spirt, I've decided to share a bit more about mine and Vince's struggle with XXY. I'll start with the most difficult topic first - homosexuality. There I said it.

Some background . . . 

I am a member of a family with strong morals based on Biblical principals. In fact, I have several religious leaders in my family. Growing up in the church, I could recite Bible versus and sing hymns more easily that I could recite a nursery rhyme. The reason I share this is to let you know that I was rasied to believe two things in regards to homosexuality: 1. It's a choice. 2. It's a sin.

I will tackle #2 first since that is the one that is likely to inflame most. Even though I was raised with strong opinions on the subject, I was also raised to not judge others. I am a true believer that we are all sinners and are in no position to judge any person or any person's actions. I believe you should "clean up your own house" before trying to clean up others. So, that is why I have no issue with people that practice the homosexual lifestyle. In fact, I have a few really good homosexual friends that have truly enriched my life. I hate to think of what I would have missed had I been narrow-minded enough to shun those individuals.

Now, on to #1 - the whole choice thing.

For the longest time I found it absolutely absurd that someone could feel they were "born that way." I mean, the Bible clearly states that there is male and female. But with the birth of Mikey, I have to wonder.

Mikey is a mosiac XX/XXY. That means that, at a chromosome level, he is part female and part male. While the physical is all male, his DNA indicates a mixture.

If our DNA is the building blocks of everything, then does it stand to reason that my son may be "born that way?" Sure, he may well grow up and never feel any homosexual tendencies. He may grow up and identify 100% male. I know that, as his parent, I can be a big influcence in that area. But, since there exists a female/male signature on his DNA, isn't it possible that biology will override?

I certainly don't have the answers, and I suspect I never will. But, in addition to worrying about his future, this whole XX/XXY thing is coloring all of the decisions we make in regards to seeking treatment. For example, he will most likely need T treatments to help him reach puberty. While that is a ways off, I am already wondering about dosage. It's one thing to treat a normal XY boy with T to put him within "normal levels," but what is a normal level for an XX/XXY boy? What if they give him too much?

I also questioned the upcoming surgeries for the longest time. What if we were fixing something that shouldn't be fixed? What ultimately got me on board with the procedures was knowing that, the way he is now, he will NOT be able to participate in sexual activity later in life. Also, I know that it is difficult to be considered different from your peers. Life is hard enough, but when you have a physical difference from your friends, it makes it even harder.

I think I may be rambling, but I feel this flood of thoughts and emotions rising to the surface. I have kept so much of this to myself for so long . . .

I guess my entire point is this: I worry that one day Mikey will come back to us and say, "Why did you do this to me?" As a parent, I want to make the best decisions for my children, and I want them to be the RIGHT decisions. Unfortunately, there is no crystal ball.

I pray a lot. I read a lot. And I pray some more.